▶ Your Answer : These days, it is controversial that whether we assess and reward students by their results or efforts. But However, there is no reason to disagree with the statement that result is the only way to gauge student’s achievements because their achievements represent the sum of their exertion and is the most practical way to judge how they are managing school work and role as a criteria for rewarding them. First and foremost, result is another meaning of sum of the performance that they done. (이해가 안됩니다. 다시 써주세요.) To be specific, a great deal of failures and gained goals are included in their outputs. In case of school exam and building a house, there would be nothing if we do not review our workbooks and construct structure of the house. To achieve a high score at on a test, all of the blanks on the exam sheet must be filled with proper answers which should have been read and memorized when they studied it. Similarly, the architects They have to pile bricks from the bottom to build a wall and draw tiles on the ground to make floors. Within those procedures, high rate on the exam and well-constructed house comes out. Had it not been for middle process of inputting something, nothing occurs in the end and that is the reason that result is proper estimation method behalf of effort. (Building a house랑 exam이랑 비교하는것은 좋으나 너무 햇갈리게 써놨습니다. 차라리 한 개에 애해 쓰고 다음 거를 쓰는게 더 명확해요.) Secondly, it is only feasible way to assess students by their achievements for practical reasons. Output is measurable and countable. Usually, result of their work is revealed by grade of tests or something which that is observable. Effort, however, is disputable and vague to rate and measure its value. People have with different perspectives and backgrounds might judge student’s endeavors in a various way which might lead peope to become bias biased and thereby pretty tough to make consensus for estimating value of the effort. (문장이 어색합니다.) Actually, 3 month ago, I read some report concerning evaluating internal process of student’s study behavior. In that research, experiments set had 10 middle school teachers and had them assess what students were doing for the midterm. In short, testing how they studied well preparing the exam. (문법도 틀리고 이해도 안됩니다.) The result illustrate that all of the teachers answered differently about what students had been done doing and this proves that judging how they did well by effort is not suitable. All in all, there is no dispute to maintain reliable assess method and the most practical way to reward students by their achievement transparently. Result contains steps students passed through and is the adequate measurement to estimate their performance. For those reason I mentioned above, I agree with the statement that students should be rewarded by their achievement rather than their effort.
[Score]
12-13
[Feedback]
- 위에 토픽이랑 학생의 에쎄이와 다릅니다. 이 에세이는 off-topic을 받아 좋은 점수를 드릴 수 없었습니다.
- off-topic을 떠나서 어색하고 명확하지 않은 문장들이 많아서 이해하기 힘들었습니다. Highlight 되어있는 부분들을 고쳐주세요.
- 첫번째 바디 문단에 예시도 exam preparation이랑 constructing a building이랑 비교하는 건 좋았으나 너무 햇갈리게 써주셨습니다. 더 자세하게 명확하게 쓰시면 더 좋은 점수를 받으실 수 있을 거 같아요!
- 단수 복수 수 일치 주의하세요.
- 시제도 맞춰주세요.
수고하셨습니다~ |