▶ Your Answer :
In order to celebrate major
events such as graduation or a special birthday, it is better to organize a
large party and invite many people than to have a small celebration with a few
close friends and family members. (이게 주제 맞죠?)
It is now common for people to celebrate their key events such as
graduation or a special birthday. However, it is debatable on the ways the
people want to celebrate their unique occasion. While a sizable populace might
claim that a holding a small scaled party is preferable, there is no doubt
about the fact that having a large festival with numerous people is more
suitable for big events. There are several reasons that could validate this.
First and the foremost reason would be that
holding a large party could expand the social networks. It is natural to
say this because there is going to be are
higher chances to meet countless people in such
a festival. This can be best explained with a personal example of my friend
named Jun who is a promising footballer. Jun decided to hold a huge birthday
party in which he invited a lot of friends; and his friends invited
their friends and so on. On the day of the event, Jun luckily met the coach of
the local football team where he always desired to join, and he was also
promised to have a trial. Furthermore, he managed to meet and swap numbers with
a son of most renown a renowned footballing
agent, which could potentially be very helpful for his career. In this sense,
having an enormous gathering can expand the social networks, which can be beneficial.
In addition, the
holder of the party can have small group sessions
whenever he or she wants to during the large festival. If the event’s owner
decides to have a cozy small party, the person would not have an opportunity to
meet new friends. However, holding a huge event can lead to the expansion of
the social networks as well as having a cozy
time with the family and close friends. The holder can anytime gather
family members and close friends anytime to have
a chat or make a speech to show affection or
appreciation. In this regard, it is not wrong to say the holder can have a
small party in a large festival. (주장이 살짝 아쉽습니다.)
From the above assessments, the fact that
inviting numerous people in an immense party seems much more convincing attractive. This is not only due to the fact that the
holder can enlarge the social networks
but also it is conceivable to have a small party within a huge festival.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Good (24-30) |
Score |
26 |
Overall
Comment: |
본문 두 번째 문단 주장이 조금
아쉬웠습니다. 큰 행사 안에서 작은 파티를 가질 순 있지만, 계속 그 작은 모임에만 있을 순 없으니 비교하기가 어렵습니다. 위 지적사항들을
참고하세요. |
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