▶ Your Answer : Some people might think that using the technology like smart phones does not have negative impacts on children. However, in my opinion, children have to lessen the chances to be exposed to such stimuli, and instead, they should play with friends through outdoor activities or simpler toys for the following reasons: first of all, the stimuli make children more passive and undermine their social skills. To begin with, enjoyment from newest technologies makes children more passive. In other words, while using the technologies, children accept the visual and auditory stimuli without thinking. As a result, the more they are exposed to the technologies, the less they have chances to think volunteerly and enthusiastically. This is a serious problem for them because their creativity and logical thinking cannot be developed in this process. In contrast, if they play with simpler toys and physical activities, they would observe, think about, and manipulate their surrounding environment actively in order to make more complex stimulus themselves. In this sense, I know this negative impacts from modern technologies because I am a teacher in an elementary school. Last time, I realized that children tended not to think themselves in terms to of resolving problems in class such as solving math equation or understanding science phenomenon. Instead, they used the internet searching through smart phones. So, Therefore, I prevented them from using smart phones, and then made them think themselves even if though they could not have did not get the right answers. At first, they seemed unfortable with this awkward this way and did not make any ideas. However, before long, they voiced their opinions more actively, and discussed with friends more enthusiastically about difficult concepts. On top of that, modern technologies madeke children more isolated. That is, while using them, children cannot have enough time to socialize with others and develop their social skills since the technologies do not give chances to cooperate with others. As a result, they would have a lot of trouble when they enter into universities or companies where active social meetings are frequent, and most of works are based on cooperative process. Therefore, it is necessary for children to have more chances to interact with friends through diverse activities which are not based on modern technologies. In this sense, I will talk about my brother’s case. Two years ago, when my brother was 9 years old, my parents were quite busy. So they gave him smart phone so that he could have fun with it was not boring. However, after that, he played only with only smart phone and he hardly made new friends. As a result, he was isolated in at school. So my parents decided to retrieve the phone from him, and encouraged him to make new friends and have more time with them friends. To be specific, by letting him participate in outdoor activities like soccer, they enabled him to realize that playing with friends was more fun than using the smart phone. Finally, my brother was able to make lots of new friends, and develop his social skills. To sum up, playing with modern technologies undermines children’s social skills and their intellectual abilities. In this regard, I firmly believe that children have to be distant from the technologies and instead have more chances to play with their friends by participating in outdoor activities and using simpler toys which make children more think actively
[Score] 27-29 [Feedback] - 글의 구조, 문장의 흐름, 아이디어, 예시, 문법, 어휘 모두 좋습니다 :) - 다만, 한 가지 아쉬운 점은 글이 다소 길다는 것입니다. 불필요한 수식어 혹은 반복되는 내용을 포함한 문장을 줄여나가는 연습을 하시면 좀 더 간결하면서도 명확한 글이 될 것 같습니다. 수고하셨습니다~ |