Some people believe that it is better to have a job where they work
five days a week for shorter hours than to have a job where they work three days
a week for longer hours. However, in my opinion, it is more enjoyable to have a
job where I work three days a week for longer hours. This is because if I work
longer, then I can improve my productivity more and if I take a break 4 days a
week, then I can occupy more time for doing something else.
To begin with, I think that I can increase my efficiency in my work if
I take a long time to work. To be specific, it takes a little bit of time to
concentrate on something and obviously, if we start to concentrate, then we can
retain it for a few hours. When we use this period, then we can improve our
productivity. Certainly, it takes some time, maybe approximately 6-7 hours. However, if we
work less than 6 hours, then it is not sufficient to start to concentrate and people cannot not
to have much time for retaining it after focusing on something. For example, when
I was in college, back in California, I had a part time job in a café. In the café,
I usually worked for 4 hours. However, the problem was that the time was too short
to learn something about the café. When I tried to learn something, then I had to should pass my position to next worker because of the time limit. Consequently, I was
the worst person in making beverages and dealing with customers in the cafe.
The situation was extremely stressful and I did not know what to do. In this
case, I should have taken a long time in the café and focused on learning how
to work in the café.
On top of that, in my case, I prefer to occupy a whole free day without
working. In detail, when I want to hang out with my friend or my family, I
never do that after work. This is because, after work, I’m almost exhausted and
then I do not feel fun being with others. So, occupying a full free day is
important to me. For example, as I mentioned, I worked at a café and I had to should
go to the café four days a week. Even though that was a short time, after the part
time job, I was always tired. I did not have any energy to meet other people. So,
I quitted the part time job and tried another job, teaching a high school
student. It took 2 days a week for 6 hours. It was a little bit long time per day,
but my life was totally changed. I could meet my friend more frequently and sometimes
I could travel abroad. That was one of the best experiences of my life.
To sum up, I think working 3 days a week for a long time can let us
to concentrate more for on improving our productivity and occupy fully enjoy our personal
time. In this regard, I believe that it is more preferable enjoyable to have a job where I
work three days a week for longer hours.
Comment :
주제에 맞는 답안을 잘 생각해주셨어요. 두 본론의 주장이 모두 좋은 논리를 갖추고 있습니다. 어색한 표현과 문법오류 위주로 검토해주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 습관적으로 then이 들어가는 부분들이 많은 편인데 구어체처럼 느껴질 수 있으니 다듬어보시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 4/5
An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following :
- Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated
(문제의 요구사항을 대부분 잘 해결함)
- Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications and/or details
(적절하고 충분한 설명과 예시를 사용하며 대체로 글의 구성과 전개방식이 양호함)
- Displays unity, progression and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections
(중복된 내용이나 관련 없는 내용, 불분명한 연결이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 드러남)
- Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning
(글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임)