▶ Your Answer :
There might be some people who believe that current people only do a few things better than any other generations. However, I personally disagree with the above idea for the subsequent two reasons. First, developing technology makes people to have broad knowledge. Second, Mmeans of communication helps recent people do things well than any other generation.
To begin with, developed application helps people to stock stocking knowledge broadly. To be specific, a variety of useful applications make people to do multitasking. These applications also improve people's work circumstance, which leads people to work efficiently. Let me bring up my personal story as an example. Before computer appears is came up with, I could not do many things work when I had have assignments from school. However, Ssince I bought a new computer, I could speedy finish my assignment fast due to having broad information easily, which makes me to have reputation about doing well many things well in short time. If I had have not had a new computer, I would not have had that reputation because Iit must take a long time without computer.
Second, means of communication which people use today in nowdays are effective tools. What I mean is that these this development decreases working people work time between coworkers. Reduced time even makes people do another work. taking another works. Therefore, they can work a lot in the same time compared to previous generations. According to a recent survey done by Communication and Improvement Our society Institute(CIOI), 80% of respondents, said that whenever new means of communications is approached to them, their spare time is increased. In addition, that spare time makes people work more efficiently and then have having more time to learn other fields. another yields. It leads them to do many things well. This is clearly shows that the means of communication make people do work well.
In conclusion, people can work many things for with the help of helping not only technology development of technology developing, but also and various means of communication. In this regard, I strongly believe that nowdays nowadays people have ability to do doing more work in diverse fields yield than those in the past.
Comment : 기술발전과 소통방식의 다양화로 더 많은 것을 잘 할 수 있게 되었다는 주장은 좋은 논리입니다. 하지만 아직 설명이 불분명하고 문법오류가 많아 내용 전달력이 약하다는 점이 많이 아쉽습니다. 정확한 문법과 표현에 더 많이 신경써주세요. 내용흐름도 좀 더 정돈해서 각 본론에서 보여주는 주장을 명확히 할 수 있도록 해주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함)
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