▶ Your Answer : Some people believe that people who are in a trouble should solve their problems through using their own knowledge and experience. However in my opinion, people need to ask others in order to get advice. There are two reasons; First, through other`s advice, one can learn new solutions. Second, by talking to others, one can relieve stress. First of all, people can get novel ideas to solve problems through communicating with others. If people only have textbook knowledge and think alone, their views will be so narrow. By talking about their own problems with other people, one can gain diverse solution that they cannot think on their own ('혼자서' 할 수 없음 강조). For example, when I was in high school, I had a problem concerning about my math grade. I did not get score above 70. With this math score, I was not allowed to enter the university that I wanted to go with such low grade. I only studied the subject through my study method again and again. However, my score did not rise enough. So, I talked to my friend who was good at math, and he told me some of his study skills. Through his advice, I eventually got a full score and was able to go to the university that I wanted to go. (예시에서는 diverse idea를 얻은 내용이 빠져있습니다. 도움을 받는 과정에서 어떻게 new ideas를 얻고 이것이 어떻게 도움이 되었는지 서술해주세요) Second, people who are stressed because of their own problems can relieve their stress through communicating about the problem itself with other people. People have pressure not only physically but also mentally due to their problems. So, having the outlet for stress has a meaning in itself. One can get back on track by talking about their problems with other people. For example, there was a poll conducted by the Board of Welfare in Korea with 200 people as respondents. The purpose of the poll was to know about the correlation between stress and communication with other people. The majority of the people replied that the communication with other people has effect on relieving stress. The reason is that brain cells that control stress become active when people talk to other people. An overwhelming 78% respondents represents that they feel relaxed and comfortable when they talk to other people about their problems.
To sum up, due to the reasons like gaining new solution from others and relieving stress through communication with other people, I firmly hold that the one who has problems should ask other people for advice.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
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GRAMMAR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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