▶ Your Answer :
There are some
disagreements over whether colleges and universities have to help
students to prepare for a better job. Some people believe that universities and
colleges should focus only on improving students' academic skills. My view, however, is
that universities should take a responsibility on students' future career, for seeking a better job preparing them to work in a better environment. This is because there is the advertisement effect.
Moreover, there is the obligation. (두 reason이 주장을 clear하게 지지한다고 보기 어렵습니다.)
To
begin with, universities that support students to get a better job can benefit from the advertisement effect; the increased amount of students who get a
better job can be helpful for the university to become famous. This is due to
the fact that Most of the college students have intense interest in their career path. connection with seeking
their job. The interest plays a significant role on choosing a university or a
college when students apply or enter a school. For example, in Republic of
Korea, the factor in relation with the rate of employment affects the ranking
of university or college. Therefore, universities go extra mile to increase
the number of their graduates who work in decent companies with better payment and welfare. The factor is made by students who
interest more on asking for a job than studying on their field. (해당 내용이 본문과 어떻게 관련이 있는지 명확하지 않습니다) By the
tendency, a great number of universities have opened a class related to
enhancing practical ability to use in a company. (학교가 좋은 기업에 취직한 졸업생으로 인해 유명해지는 덕을 본다는 내용과 본 문장 간 관련성이 명확하지 않습니다)
In
addition, universities and colleges have the obligation to help students to
enter in the modern society. This is because the tuition involves the quality
of professor, the environment to study, and even career counseling. Thus, students
have the right to solicit the help about a career after they graduate. If
professors have no interest about a career of students they teach, students would be
stressed out because it would be difficult for these young people to seek the help from someone who
has a wide range of experience without the professors' support. According to the study conducted by a team at
Korea University, most students responded that they tended to ask a piece of
advice in terms of their career from their professor. These students answered that they did not hesitate to think that they had the right to seek the help to
their university. - 본 내용 속 예시와 학교가 왜 학생들의 취업을 지원해야 하는지 연관성이 부족합니다. 학교가 학생들의 취업을 돕는 것을 '의무화'하는 방향보다는 "대학은 고등교육기관이자 미래의 커리어에 도움을 주기 위해 진학하는 교육기관"으로 학생들이 이를 기반으로 직업을 선택하기 때문에 학습과 진로를 연결하는 통로로서 학생을 도와야 한다 + 이유 + 예시 등을 작성하는 것이 더 설득력 있는 방향입니다.
To
conclude, universities and colleges can increase their profit through the advertisement
effect; moreover, students have the right to solicit the help to prepare
their job. Considering the two reasons above, it is evident that universities
and colleges have to support students who are trying to get their jobs.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
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FAIR
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FAIR
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FAIR
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FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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