▶ Your Answer :
It is controversial whether being a
expert in one field is better than learning variety of skills. In this regard,
I believe that gaining knowledge from various fields has more advantages than
concentrating on one field. Learning many skills makes it possible for us to get
a job easily and widen our perspective through different experience we have while we learn these skills.
To begin with, learning skills in different kinds of field make us to get a job
easily. To be specific, people who can do various works can send resume to any
type of companies as they can do anything in company. For example, even though
a person who has many skills loses his job, he can get a nice job again as he
can do anything the companies want. (he = general, my friend Jamie = specific/clear/concrete example) Moreover, many students want to do
internship or part time jobs to learn how to deal with problem in their works.
This makes students write their resume more effectively and give positive
impression to interviewers. Thus, I can say that learning many skills make
people get jobs easily. - 구체적인 예를 추가해주세요 (사실/통계/경험 기반)
Moreover, learning various skills provide us not only chances to get a job
but also help us to find our true talents. To be specific, people have their own
talents, but most of them cannot find and do what they do not want to do. Therefore, many people are living unhappy lives due to their boring jobs. For example, my friend Jackson worked with different companies and had different jobs to earn money. He worked to earn money, not to experience. One day, he found what he really wanted to do while he was cultivating mushrooms. Nowadays, he
is a farmer growing mushrooms and other grains. He earns enough money and lives a happy life as he found his own talent. Therefore, I think that experiencing in
many fields and leaning many skills can help us to find our own talents and to
live happy life. (친구가 다양한 스킬을 배우며 자신의 talent를 발견한 과정에 대한 설명이 부족합니다 - 주제/이유와의 연관성이 떨어집니다)
To sum up, I strongly believe that developing many skills can enrich our lives
for the following reasons: more chances to get a job and more chance to find
our calling. + 주제에 대한 미래 방향/본인 의견 추가해주세요.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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FAIR
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FAIR
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FAIR
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FAIR
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FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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