▶ Your Answer : It is generally agreed that students are influenced more by their friends than by their teachers. Some people will say that students are influenced by teachers because they usually teach taught the many things such as knowledge, life lessons, and so on. So, students are were affected by the teachers and many students want to be like become their teacher in the future. However, I strongly believe that the friends are more important influential factors to students for student during the school life. These There are two reasons for this.
To begin with, friends they spend much of time together whereas the teachers only spend a certain amount of time in their class. What I mean is that friends exchange much information and thoughts thinking during the school life. So, I think it could be change the students' behaviors and thinking. Specifically, they usually show do the similar action and thinking. For example, my friend Tom always asked me for advice related to advised some problems to me. So, it inspired inspires to me to make more effort and become responsible. For example, some a study asserts that the students are is affected by their friends. According to the study, teenagers usually spend more time with friends than in the baby and they make social network with similar behaviors. Secondly, they friends have similar environmental whereas the teachers sometimes cannot understand the students' mind. To be specific, students regularly depend on their friend because they have similar problems such as future, exam and so on. So, they always communicate with each other it and easily become close friends. Moreover, they communicate well in for that reasons . Therefore, friends can affect each other more easily. All in all, the students are influenced more by their friends than by their teacher because they spend much of time together., Not only that, they The have similar environmental such as having study problems. So, I wholeheartedly believe that the friend is more important factor to the student in the school life.
Comment :
많은 시간을 함께 보내고 비슷한 환경에 놓여 있다는 것이 어떻게 영향을 미치는 요인이 되는지를 더 구체적으로 설명해주세요. 기본 내용들은 주제에 부합하지만 오탈자, 문법오류가 많고 사용 어휘가 제한적이라는 점이 아쉽습니다. 정확한 표현이 가능하도록 신경써주시고 설명도 더 구체적으로 보완해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5 An essay at this level may reveal one or more of the following weaknesses :
- Limited development in response to the topic and task (문제의 요구사항에 정확한 답변을 하지 못한 경우) - Inadequate organization or connection of ideas (연결이나 구성이 부적절한 경우) - Inappropriate or insufficient exemplifications, explanations or details to support or illustrate generalizations in response to the task (설명이나 예시, 세부사항이 필자의 주장을 뒷받침하기에 부족하거나 부적절한 경우) - A noticeably inappropriate choice of words or word forms (부적절한 단어 또는 형태의 사용) - An accumulation of errors in sentence structure and/or usage (두드러지는 문장구조/사용 상의 오류) |