▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that parents should play
with their children at home. There are others who say that parents have to do schoolwork
with their children. Personally, I think that parents should do some
entertaining activities with their children with several reasons. for the following subsequent reasons.
First, playing with their parents can give
a great benefit to children. That is because those Those precious moments can be
their life-long souvenir, which cannot be compared with any other events. This
can be supported by the case of my friend who used to play a baseball with his
father; he still says that those days are most precious moment in his life.
Also those activities can be beneficial to
parents, who always eager to have an enjoyable time with their children. As
parents are not perfect, it can be imaginable that sometimes they simply do not
want to do some mandatory task in home, rather having a fun with children. My
parents also confessed me that sometimes it was hard for them to keep work even
if they were at home. So they preferred to have a fun with me, which has
affected me a lot.
Lastly, having such an interacting activity
is also appreciated by teachers, who always want to their students to do their
schoolwork by themselves. Teachers do not want a well-done homework done by
parents. In fact, they just want to see how their pupil understand the class.
Rather, some educational professions emphasize the importance of playing with
parents, which can be more beneficial to academic result of child.
In short, I think that parents should play
with their children, not giving a lecture at home. For children, it might be
enough to have a fun at home. Also for parents, they deserve to have a
refreshing moment in their daily life. For teacher, it is important to see how
children solve their problem by themselves, not with their parents.
Fair: 17~23 점수: 20
일단 이유가 세 가지 다 보니까 각 이유에대한 설명이 부족한 상태에서 넘어가고 있는 거 같습니다. 문법적인 부분에 있어서 틀린 것은 없었으나. 한 이유에 대하여서 구체적으로 집고 넘어가는 것이 아니라 설명하다 바로 다음 이유로 넘어가기 때문에 이 에세이를 읽어가면서 각 단락에서 하고자 하는 말이 무엇인지 가늠이 안돼는 거 같습니다. 따라서 이렇게 세 가지 이유로 설명하다 끝나고 마는 것 보다는 두 가지 이유로 좀 더 구체적으로 접근 할 수 있는 것이 더 나을 거 같습니다. 숙지하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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