▶ Your Answer :
Some
people think that people nowadays are more honest than people who lived in the
past. However, in my opinion, people in the past were more honest than that of
nowadays. There are two reasons; in these days, the more individualism
stronger, the more people don’t be mind about other people's eyes, and in the agrarian
culture, people knew each
other very well because of community spirit, so they couldn’t do bad
things such as crime or illegal act easily. for the following two subsequent reasons. (이미 밑에 이유에서 다 설명을 할 거기 때문에 인트로에서는 이렇게 장황하게 이야기를 할 필요가 없습니다)
To
begin with, nowadays, individualism is overflowing, so many people don’t care of
others’ eyes has been overflown so people do not care others. This is because, in these days, when people do illegal act, they
think ‘I am ok, other’s not ok’, often (이 문장을 하고 자하는 말이 무엇인가요? 문장의 의미를 설명을 한 다음에 예시로 넘어가는 것이 바람직 할 거 같습니다). For example, in August, 2018, in the
coast of Mexico, hundreds of sea turtles were founded as dead because of abandoned
net. In the Mexico, government prohibit prohibited fishing in this coast, and designated
sea turtle as protected animal because it is endangered species. Police of
Mexico assumed net was abandoned by tuna fishing boat that do illegal fishing has committed illegal fishing.
This show selfishness of individual made slaughter of sea turtles of
Mexico. (예시에서 설명이 부족합니다 경찰들은 사람들이 안잡았을 거 라고 생각했다 로 끝난 다음 결론을 짓는 것 보다는. 그들의 생각과 다르게 사랍들은 자신의 욕심을 챙기는 사람이기 때문에 잡게 되드라라고 결론을 만드는게 나아 보입니다)
On
top of that, people who lived in the agrarian culture, in the past, community
cultures were developed. This is because, in the agrarian culture, labor was
important when they do farming. For instance, in the past of Korea, community
cultures were widen. In Korea, Duryea is good example. Duryea means one type of activities
of community of agrarian culture in Korea. In Korean town in that time, people who live
same town, they know each other well, so they also know other’s personality,
family, and economic power each other. Also, in the community society, if
someone do illegal act or crime, his or her family, friend or town people were
also punished
severely. Thus, they couldn’t do anything like these bad acts, however, this
culture was disappeared from late of 19th century when industrialization
was started.
To
sum up, citizens who lived in the past were positive than those of nowadays,
because of individualism and extinct of community cultures. In this regard, I
believe that people in the past was more truthful than whose of nowadays for
the reasons I mentioned above.
Fair: 17~23 점수: 20 일단 이 에세이의 가장 근본적인 문제는 설명들이 완벽하게 다 설명을 하지 않습니다. 첫 번째 부분을 보면은 설명들이 중요한 부분에 대하여서 구체적으로 설명을 하는 것 보다는 이렇다 하고 넘어갑니다. 왜 그러한 사건 들이 중요했는지에 대한 설명을 일체 없습니다. 그와 반대로 두 번째 단락 같은 경우는 개연성을 못찾겠습니다. 왜 갑자기 두려라는 문화가 나오고 이것이 honest한 것이랑 무슨 관계가 있는 지 잘 모르겠습니다. 설명을 구체적으로 하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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