▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that using money at the moment when it is earned is more efficient. (Unclear meaning) However, in my opinion, people should save up money for the future. This is preferable because people might need a large biggeramount of money in life (?) and they should have money for the occurrence of an emergency situation. To begin with, in the future people will probably need a big amount of money. (So?) To be more specific, some of the important things in life such as house, car, wedding, and so on are expensive. In order to gain what they want offord these, people should store some of their money on their savings. For example, when I had my wedding, the cost was very expensive. The amount of money that I needed for the wedding was much more expensive than the money I earn every month. Before the wedding I saved up my money for 3 years. After that 3 years I was able to take have the wedding that me and my wife and I wished wanted. If I did not have those savings, I wouldn't have the ability to hold take my wedding with my wife. On top of that, just in case of an emergency situation, people should have some savings. The emergency situation can happen in any time. In order to prevent themselves from getting going bankrupt people should have some reliable savings. For example, there was a time when my family had to suffer from sudden accident. My father's business got declined and it went bad very so fast that my father he had to close down up the business. However, since my father had savings, our family was able to endure the harsh time survive for more than 2 years without earning any money. Also, that 2 years tough experience gave my father the time to stand up again. If it wasn't for my father's savings, our family would have suffered a severe poverty. To sum up, in life during the lifetime people will have a moment when they have to spend a lot of money and might suffer from sudden accidents. In this regard, people should save up a certain amount of money for the later future.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 3
| 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 16-18 | - 반복적인 구문이 나열되고 있어 (Expensive,Money, Time...등) 글이 boring하게 느껴집니다. 같은의미라고 하더라도 다른 의미의 동의어를 많이 서술해주셔야 합니다.
- 어색한 문장의 쓰임이 종종 보입니다.
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