▶ Your Answer :
To start the argument, For starters, the extended family allows an individual to reduce and prevent from receiving stress. Many consider that the extended family may cause an emotional consumption because of the number of family members. (Why's that?) However, individuals may avoid loneliness by living together, which causes more serious problems such as stress and depression which are prevalent in the modern society.
For example, when I first entered the college, I had to live by myself. I have felt loneliness which I never felt before. Due to the reason, I have gained a lot of stress and suffered from depression. After I graduated the school, I lived with my parents, brother, and grandparents again. Now I feel cozy and comfortable. On top of that, the extended family enables individuals to improve their social relationship and social skills. It is undeniable that the extended family offers opportunities to socialize and create kinship with others. In supporting my view, according to a recent poll conducted at a renowned research center, 78 percent of participants claimed that individuals who have grown in the extended family tend to have more an ability to get along with others. (How and why?)
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3
| 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 16-19 | - 본문만을 적었다고는 하지만, 예시로써 이러한 결과가 나왔다~만으로는 자신의 주장을 support하기에 부족한 점이 많습니다. Extended family가 어떻게 social skill을 가질 수 있도록 도와주며, 어떤 환경이 조성되고, 왜 이러한 관계가 중요한지를 설명하여 주세요. - Relationship vs social skill 둘 중 하나를 선택하여 Support해주세요.
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