Topic : Cars have made a greater impact on society than airplanes.
Answer :
Most people think that cars have made a greater impact on society than airplane. While there are some people who believe that the impact of cars cars' impact is much greater than that of airplanes' impact, it is my utmost desire to state that airplanes have made a greater impact on society and people's lives than cars have. With thorough scrutinisation, (What is that?) the two rationalizations are divulged in the following scheme.
One apparent ground to delve into is that global economic markets was formed start since the introduction of people used airplanes. By airplanes, not only people person but also various items can reach other countries that people are hardly to go by cars. Also, the increasing size of global economic markets is becoming much helpful for national economy economic market. For instance, in Korea, theirnational economic market was so small and fragile in many ways weak. However, as since they have tried to trade items with other countries, Korean economy has gradually developed their economic developed. Thus, because Since GDP in Korea has increased in line with the market growth, people's lives become better than ever before. Thus, it is very important impact on to the society that airplanes are helpful for different countries opening global market.
Equally essential, if not more so, one needs to consider that airplanes are more safer than that cars. This is because airplanes must pass high technical processes and only trained people can drive airplane. However, people just need few weeks to get license for driving cars. So, there are many dangerous issues about cars. For example, through a survey airplane accident's possibility is same with a possibility of a case that people get a lightning. (What does it mean?) But, through a survey, 7~10 people die by car accidents in everyday. Thus, because of a high safety of airplanes, airplanes are havemore positive effects on people's lives than cars.
Based on aforesaid, it is evident that airplanes have made a greater impact on society that cars because of some arguments; arguments such as global economic markets and high safety are reasons that airplanes are more crucial for people than cars. There is nothing in my mind regarding that overweighs previous claims. (Wrong grammar sentences)
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence |
점수 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 3 |
Score | Fair 16-18 | - 그래머 구조가 잘못되어 있거나, 의미를 유추하기 어려운 문장들이 많이 보입니다. - 올바른 표현과 용법을 사용하여 주세요. - 또한 적절한 Paraphrase역시 필요해보입니다. - more safe -> safer 올바른 비교급형태로 바꿔주세요. |