▶ Your Answer : Some people think that famous athletes and entertainers should not do not deserve a large amount of money. However, in my opinion, they have enough ability deserve to get a lot of money. This is because, athletes and entertainers not only bring so much dollar to one’s country but also need more money to keep their body in shape. keeping in shape their body. To begin with, famous people represent our country. Also, they can have an impact on national prestige and help earn foreign currency. For example, there was a poll conducted by Korea Culture Center, with public as respondents. The purpose of the survey was to understand about whether famous people deserve to earn a large amount of money. The majority of respondents said that they deserve a lot of money. One of the respondents said in a following interview that famous people like yeon ae Kim or BTS gives many advantages on to their country. Many foreigners come to Korea to sea see K-pop stage and it is has a good impact on Korea itself. On top of that, specialized job like athlete and entertainer, especially expecially ‘famous’ ones, need more money than ordinary people since they need to always keep in shape. A study conducted by TTA university is a good example of this. The researchers tracked the daily routine of athletes and entertainer over 3 years, in order to find out the average amount of spending money per 1 year. What they found was intriguing. They need a mount of money to spare for to maintain their job. The reasons was that athlete spent money on balanced food, equipment and coaching fee and entertainers spent money on fitness, luxury clothes and concert. It is different with ordinary person. In this regard, popular sports players or entertainers be qualified for get a lot of money.
예상점수: 14-17 총평: 구조는 잘 잡아주셨지만 논지의 설득력이 약간 부족한 것 같습니다. 물론 들어주시는 예시들이나 논거가 크게 틀리지는 않지만 설득력이 강한 것 같지는 않습니다. 그들의 사회적 영향력이나 창출해낼수 있는 부가가치를 조금 더 부각시키는 쪽으로 글을 써주셨으면 좋을 것 같아요. idiom도 신경을 써주셔야 더 고득점 하실 수 있을 것 같아요. 수고 많으셨습니다. |