▶ Your Answer : The reality people often encounter shifts an individual's experience. It is ironic to think an experience itself is affected by the past experiences. However, considering how the experiences distort, transform, and misrepresent the reality people perceive, it seems clear that experiences can make difference in people's perspective. To prove one's perspective true, one should be able to justify his or her viewpoint and overcome objections. (Unrelated to topic) Though many people see this topic as teachers should let their students to choose books, my perspective is teachers should select books for their students. The concepts of health and a job clearly show this theme. First of all, choosing books is too stressful for students. This is mainly because students do not know what kinds of good materials for reading materials are good or bad are. This situation will give huge stress to students out. In fact, stress is one of the primary factors of illnesses because it weakens the ability of the immune system fighting for disease. For example, my father, a doctor of a general hospital in Korea, often tells me that many of his young patients suffer diseases adverse health affect caused by problems that they may mistake about choice. (Wrong, Suggest exact problems) They come to the hospital to see him for stress-relative ailments. He has found the relationship between stress and human diseases such as high blood pressure, insomnia, and carotid artery thrombosis. In this sense, it is healthful for students that teachers should select books. Second, selective books from selected by teachers can improve students' career. This is due to the facts if the teachers who have diverse a lot of valuable perspectives about job market or the process of applying to good universities admission to university select books for students, students can develop more effectively their expert knowledge more effectively. As modern society has increasing specialized, today's companies are looking at these employees having such qualities. Therefore, these are important to fight for jobs in highly competitive labor market. For instance, my uncle, the CEO of a company in Korea tells me that a job interview typically precedes a decision on hiring decision. He and other interviewer at interview are mainly looking at applicant's passion and expert skills. Therefore, reading books selected by teachers are sure way for students to prepare a job. Truth must settle at some point; only one perspective survives, and the rest subsides into history. In such a case, man must ceaselessly refine his view until it is finally accepted as truth. I have corroborated my perspective on this topic teachers should select books for their students with health and a job. It is time for a settlement.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 2
| 2 | 1 | Score | Fair 15-18 | - 템플릿을 대부분 사용하였으나, 토픽이나 주장과 관련이 없거나 적은 부분이 많습니다. - 충분한 근거와 주장과의 관련이 없이, 첫 번째 내용은 stress에 두 번째 내용은 job/Uni 에만 too much focus하신 것 같아요. 이 경우, off topic이 될 가능성이 높습니다.
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