▶ Your Answer :
Environment is too
close to people. It is controversial which whether (더 적합한 어휘입니다) human affect Earth. Some people
think that human is beneficial to Earth. In my opinion, however, I think that
human activity makes Earth a worse place to live for two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, human activities can cause air pollution. Human make bad
gases since the Industrial Revolution, which result in air pollution.
Air pollution damage creatures that live in on (마찬가지로 더 적합한 어휘입니다) Earth. For example,
Human make cars to move easily. When people drive cars, car discharge exhaust
gas. Exhaust gas is one of the reasons for air pollution. Another reason
of air pollution is factories. Factories emission emit bad gases, which also
pollute air. polluted air damage people, when people breathe without
mask. According to the research conducted by university
of California, There is big increasing dead people because
of air pollution since the Industrial Revolution.
On top of that, human destroy ecosystem. Humans make artificial dams, rails,
and roads. Before people make
made the roads, there were animals' habitat. Animals are lost their home. For
example, the blue mountain was famous for as deer habitat. People constructed
roads to cross the mountain. After roads are constructed, many deer are were killed
by cars. According to the research conducted by university of Washington, the
number of road kills is increasing every year.
To sum up, Human's activities damage Earth. This is because human cause air
pollution and destroy the ecosystem.
예상 점수: 21-24 총평: 우선 어휘가 선택이 많이 아쉽습니다. 조금 더 상황에 맞는 어휘를 사용해주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 동사도 과거형과 복수, 단수를 잘 구분해서 사용해 주세요. 내용은 적합하나 문법적인 문제가 많습니다. 수고 많으셨습니다.
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