▶ Your Answer : These days, some people spend much time on
their work or career, so that sometimes they cannot rest properly. On the other
hand, other people think that they need enough time to rest and relieve their stress,
but they usually receive lesser achievements. In this essay, I would discuss
about advantage and disadvantages of spending a great amount of time on their
work.
To begin with, working hard has some
advantages. People who work hard will be given with more payment compared to
people who do less work. I strongly believe that the actual purpose of working
is earning money. When people dedicate to their work, they will get more
reward, and this is better for workers to have profits. Also, working gives a
huge amount of accomplishment. Workers would have a full accomplishment when
they work hard, and this makes them to work hard later. If they feel happy
about their achievements, working would not be too harsh for them. For
instance, when I tried really hard on my project, I could not sleep well and I
was much stressed. However, I got good grades on the project, and I wanted to
do well and try hard on my next project. The result of my effort made me work
even harder later.
In contrast, there are also negative sides
in spending much time in working. Some people assert that the accumulated
stress could lessen the ability of working. If people are dedicated to their
work and are stressed too much, it would result in serious problems. They not only
have bad effects on their work ability, but also have health problems. When
workers get health problems, they should pay more on the cure of their body,
and there would be no actual advantage of working. If they rest more and have
enough time to relieve their stress, they could have better results in working,
and do not have to worry about the health. My sister told me her story related
to this point. One time, she needed the money so quickly, and she worked day and
night, everyday tired of working. She was almost at dying that time. She realized
this only hurt herself, and rest a bit. Then, her ability to work also
increased, and she became much happier. I learned that working so hard is not
only the way to be happy.
To sum up, spending a lot of time only in
working has both advantage and disadvantage. If you work hard, you might have a
chance to get more money, and would feel accomplishment about your effort. On
the other hand, you could be stressed too much, and could gain health problems.
I recommend workers to work a lot, but have enough rest time.
예상 점수: 27-30 총평: 우선 글의 내용이나 흐름 모두 흠잡을데 없이 좋습니다. 대구와 어법과 관련된 작은 실수들이 있지만 그런 것을 제외하고는 글이 매우 잘 써진 것 같아요. 수고 많으셨습니다. |