■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : parents should express their disapproval towards the teachers of their children when the parents do not agree with the way the teachers are teaching
agree/disagree |
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▶ Your Answer :
I
disagree with the opinion that parents should express their disapproval towards
the teacher of their children relating to their way of the teaching opposed to
with the teachers' way. And there are two reasons for holding my opinion and to the specific, the
reasons are the flawlessness and the diversity. in terms of the way of teaching for the following two subsequent reasons (인트로에 적합하지 않는 거 같습니다 훅 도 나와야하고 반대편 의견도 서술해야합니다)
First of all, as far as I concerned, parents are not always right. They are
just people, and they can make mistakes regarding education because they are
not flawless. as they can make mistakes regarding with education. An education professor told a story that she underwent. She was a middle school
teacher, and she had to go school trip to a temple with her class' students in which one day she had to go to school trip.
And one day before going to trip, Before going on a trip, a woman called her and said that she is
student's mother who was in the professor's class, and she doesn't want to make
her children go to a temple because her families are Christian Mother did not want her children to go to temple as her family was Christian. The professor
couldn't could not (독립형 에세이에서는 줄인말을 서술하면 안됩니다) say anything at that time, so she approved it. But she said to me what
she did was wrong because the trip was not for religious and students should
learn cooperation through the school trip. The woman might not know about it.
And from this story, I could learn that parents and teachers could crash in
education, even parents who have their son could make a mistake or don’t know
something. They are not always perfect.
The second reason for the opinion is the diversity pertaining to education
perspective Furthermore, there are a lot of diversity pertaining to education perspective.I always heard that I must not read newspapers that only published in one
company. Because there are many companies and many standpoints, so I have to
read newspapers that published in a variety of companies from one company but different ones as they have different perspectives toward the issue. Then I could see some
situation in diversity method and perspective. In the same context, I think the students have to learn in many ways, sometimes
teachers are way, and sometimes parents’ way from parents and teachers. For example, I often heard from
my teacher that I have to eat all the food given to me. But my mother always
says to me, eating by force is worse rather than eating nothing. I never know
who is right but can decide to obey who’s saying (이 부분을 통하여서 하고자 하는 말이 무엇인가요? 이해가 되지 않습니다). Likewise, getting grow,
students can decide who's teaching way is fit for them students should decide independently when they grow up. There are no correct
answers but diverse ways of teaching (이 부분도 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 파악이 되지 않습니다). No one knows what's fit for a student,
except to students themselves. And I strongly believe that giving many ways for
something is good enough for widening one’s point of view.
For these two reasons, I disagree with the assertion that parents should
express their disapproval towards the teachers of their children when the parents
do not agree with the way the teachers are teaching.
점수: 21 각 단락들이 문제가 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 먼저 첫 번째 단락 바디의 문제점은 어색한 표현들이 많습니다. 이러한 어색한 표현들은 전반적인 에세이 플로우로 하여금 많이 방해를 줍니다. 따라서 제가 지적한 부분을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 두 번째 단락 같은 경우는 무슨 말을 하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 이유 자체가 주제와 관련성이 없습니다. 좀 더 구체적으로 설득력 있게 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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