▶ Your Answer :
In this modern society, great changes have taken place concerning education. In this situation, a lot of disputes exist over whether parents can affect the teacher’s way of educating children. A substantial number of people think that parents should express their opinion to the teachers of their children. However, I strongly believe that parents should not express their view toward the method of the teachers of their children. A rationale behind this is that if they express their opinion to the teachers, they could be stressed out. Moreover, the direct complaint toward the teachers can be harmful for their children because it affects teachers’ motivation to educate well and suppress their autonomy. for the following two subsequent reasons (이미 밑에서 이유들을 다 설명할 것이기 때문에 굳이 인트로에서 장황하게 서술할 필요가 없습니다)
First of all, teachers can be even more stressed out if parents visit teachers and express own opinion. The environment of teaching students is becoming has become more and more hostile these days. In this regard, teachers are always too stressed out. And since students have their own characteristics and matters, the complaints of the parents are also very complex and difficult to solve. So, if many of the parents visit their teachers and express their own opinion concerning their own children, they will be more stressed out. My father, who was a teacher of elementary school experienced the same situation. The school policy was that teachers should accept all of the parents’ complaint of their children. And parents whose children were taught by him visited the school every day and even visited my home. This was happened during when he slept only 4 hours due to excessive work. He, becoming irritated, failed to manage stress. He was anxious during when he taught his students in his class and it affected his students badly. The same situation would apply to others who teach students when they are busy and always too stressed out.
Second, accepting all of parents’ complaint is bad for teacher’s motivation. As there are various students in teacher’s class, Teacher should make a goal and make much effort to his students in order to not only educate students but also discipline them. But if parents keep expressing their complaint toward teacher, He can lose his motivation to make his own effort and cannot achieve his goal to educate students well.
In a nutshell, I ardently believe that parents should not express their view toward the method of the teachers of their children. This is largely due to the fact that teachers can be even more stressed out and accepting all of parents’ complaint is bad for teacher’s motivation. It is doubtless to say that “Every coin has two sides” is true. Although there are pros and cons in each statement, I believe that the statement which I support far outweighs the other.
점수: 25 일단 내용면에 있어서는 전체적으로 자기가 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지를 잘 알고 있는 에세이입니다. 이 에세이를 통해서 왜 부모님이 선생님이 어떻게 가르키든 상관을 하지 말아야하는 것인지를 자세하게 잘 설명해주는 거 같습니다. 하지만 지금 이 에세이는 불필요한 부분에 설명이 너무 장황합니다. 인트로와 결론이 너무 장황하고 오히려 설명이 필요한 부분인 두번 째 단락은 내용이 너무 빈약해서 무엇을 전달하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 따라서 균형을 맞추면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |