▶ Your Answer : Some people think that it is not advantageous for teenage students to have part-time jobs, while others do not. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I had to choose one, I think that having part-time jobs benefits teenage students. There are several reasons as follows:
To begin with, part-time jobs can improve the sense of responsibility of teenage students. With work experience, students can learn how to do their duties, such as arriving at the office in on time and following the rules of work place. For example, a study was conducted by Korea Educational Development Institution in Korea to determine whether work experience could affect students’ behavior at school. The first group was formed of students did not experience having part-time jobs at all. The other group was consisted of students who did part time work while they going to school. After monitoring two groups, the researchers found that the latter group better handled their assignments and followed the school rules. This is because they already learned the importance of sense of responsibility which leads them to do their duties. In addition, part-time jobs encourage teenage students to understand the value of money. By working, students can learn how difficult it is to make money. For instance, when my brother was in middle school, as he received pocket money from my parents whenever he needs money, he did not know the hardness of making to make money. Whenever he got an allowance, he spent sent all of it buying goods he liked such as an expensive headphone and sports magazines. However, after he worked at a convenience store at night during winter vacation in high school, he realized how difficult it was to make money. After two months, when he got his pay, he went to the bank to save the money without using it at all. Without this experience, he would not have been able to know the value of money. To sum up, part-time jobs enhance the sense sensibilities of responsibility of teenage students and teach them to know the importance of money. In this regards, I strongly believe that part-time jobs are more likely to bring merits to teenage students.
Comment : 주제에 맞게 주장을 논리적으로 잘 풀어주셨습니다. 몇 가지 문법오류 꼼꼼하게 체크해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~! Independent Writing Rubrics Score 4.5/5 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following : - Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated (문제의 요구사항을 대부분 잘 해결함) - Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications and/or details (적절하고 충분한 설명과 예시를 사용하며 대체로 글의 구성과 전개방식이 양호함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections (중복된 내용이나 관련 없는 내용, 불분명한 연결이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 드러남) - Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning
(글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임) |