▶ Your Answer : It is debatable whether taking risks or trying new things benefits for young people than old people. This is an intriguing question because options concerning this issue can be different relying on the individual perspectives. However, in my opinion, I support that the young should take risks and experience a lot of new things for the following reasons. To begin with, to do something that are dangerous and difficult is not beneficial for old people, since the elderly are vulnerable to hurt easier than young people. In addition the senior citizens are lack of strength and resilience, so they are more likely to have an injury while trying new things needless to say taking risks. For example, I will talk about my father’s experience to illustrate this point. My father was an active person, so he really liked to learn new outdoor activities. Actually, iIn his 40’s and 50’s, he tried to gain numerous skills such as, riding a bicycle and doing outdoor climbing and so on., When he was in his late 60’s, he wanted to learn skiing. My family members disagreed with his idea because he was too old enough to go skiing and all members were worried about accident. Regardless of family’s concerns, he went to the ski resort. Unfortunately, he got an injury in his leg. Finally, he had to undergo the operation. This proves that as people get older, they should do safety activities, not perilous activities. On top of that, to do a wide range of experience is a better way for young people, since I believe that experience is one of the most essential factors of success in this world. Imagine people only have textbook knowledge. Their views will be so narrow. By actively trying to have new experience can achieve a diversity of knowledge and broaden their horizon of the world. There was a poll conducted by the Korean board of education in 2015, with 200 university students as respondents. The purpose of the survey was that a variety of experience could affect their scholastic performance. What they found was intriguing. An overwhelming 85% respondents said that diverse experience definitely helped their academic accomplishment. The reason was that they could learn many real skills and working place experience. Moreover, they were able to meet a lot of new people with different background. All these things became their properties. This shows that it is helpful for the young to attempt new things, even if these are a little risky. All things considered, it is my belief that my argument regarding this topic has been effectively and precisely delivered with the reasons mentioned above. Never should we forget this issue may have a huge impact on our future.
아직 에세이 하나를 작성하려면 50분~1시간 소요 됩니다. 오늘 제 글이 너무 긴거인지 궁금합니다. 연습을 어떻게 해야 30분 안에 작성이 가능할까요 ㅠㅠ
Good (24–30)
서론 -철자 오류 첫번째 본문 -연두색 부분, vulnerable 과 hurt easier 같은 뜻입니다. 하나만 써주세요. -대소문자 오류 -끝에서 두번째 줄에서, 안전한 활동이므로, 형용사로 쓰여야 합니다. safety(명사)-->safe(형용사)
글이 너무 길지는 않습니다. 하지만 시간이 시험 시간보다 두배정도 걸리므로 연습해야할 부분은 맞습니다. 본인이 왜 시간이 길어지는지를 파악하는 것이 중요합니다. 또한, 에세이를 시작할때 3-5분 정도는 brainstorm&outline을 정확하게 잡고 그 틀에 맞춰서 쓰면 본문을 쓸때 따로 깊게 생각을 하지 않아도 되서 시간이 단축될 수 있습니다. 본인이 어느 토픽에서든 쓸수있는 구문/표현/문장들은 완벽히 숙지하셔서 빠르게 타이핑되는 연습을 하시는 것도 도움이 됩니다. 또한, 서론이나 결론에서 너무 새롭게 쓰려고 하지마시고 본인이 편하신 형태 몇가지를 돌려가며 쓰시는 것도 시간 단축에 도움이 됩니다. 타이핑 자체가 느리신 것이면 타이핑도 연습을 하셔야겠지요. 전체적으로 내용 괜찮습니다.
수고하셨습니다~~
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