▶ Your Answer : Some people might say that it is better for young people(age 14-18) to participate in only one most meaningful activity. However, in my opinion, they are necessary to take part in lots of activities as much as possible for the following reasons concerning that those activities can give them valuable lessons which are helpful to live in this world, and they can find their interest and aptitude by doing so. To begin with, young adolescents who are 14-18 years old can learn many valuable lessons such as the importance of social skills, cooperative mind, or independence through assorted activities, and these lessons would be imperative for them to live in this world. These lessons are difficult to be taught from books or classes in schools. In addition, a specific activity could not also teach them about these things since each activity has different characters. For example, when I was 17 years old, I took part in a variety of activities every week such as going to camping with my friends, participating in a soccer tournament, or traveling other regions. I could learn different lessons from each experiences. For instance, I felt the importance of independence when I traveled to other city alone, and I would be also learn how to work with others when taking part in soccer games in tournament. Thanks to these experiences and lessons, I was would be able to become a sociable and independent adult. If I did only one activity when I was a high school student, I would not have been be able to learn these various valuable lessons. On top of that, the young people can utilize their free time to search their dream interest, and aptitude. The age is a critical period to decide their future career, and they have to struggle to achieve the dream. In order to have the most suitable career for them, it is essential for them to find their interest and aptitude, and they can do this by taking part in diverse activities which they have interest in. In this sense, I will take an example of my brother. When he was a 18 years old, he had no dream. He did not know which subjects he had most interest in and what was his aptitude. Therefore, I recommended him to take part in a variety of activities which seemed to quite fun for him. So, he struggled to get lots of experiences such as joining a drama club, going to a music festival or doing exercise. As a result, he realized that he liked to act in a play, and in effect he acted played quite well. So, he decided to become an actor, and finally was majored in acting at the university. To sum up, assorted experiences let young people who are 14-18 years old to learn valuable lessons which are important to become a mature adult, and to find their own interest and aptitude. In this regard, I firmly believe that they should take part in diverse activities in order to get the benefits mentioned earlier.
Good (24-26) 첫번째 본문 -끝에서 세번째 줄에서, I would be 는 미래형입니다. 문맥상 과거이므로 was 써주세요. -그 다음 줄에서, 가정법은 would have p.p 형태로 써주세요.
두번째 본문 -최상급은 the most -끝에서 두번째 줄에서, he liked to play는 그는 놀기 좋아했다는 뜻입니다. 연기는 act 동사 써주세요.
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