▶ Your Answer :
As the number of people
who are interested in children’s sports activities is increasingly every year
in today’s Korean society, it is worth discussing whether children should play
a sports game only for fun, and they should not play in a competition. In my
opinion, I think that children have to play sports only for fun. There are two reasons
for my opinion.
First of all, playing
sports game for fun helps elementary school students to alleviate stress. An
important reason is that these activities can relax and clear their mind by enjoying
the game with other friends. This aspect brings a fresh approach to perplexing
and stressful assignments at school. For example, ten years ago, when I was in
13 years old, back in California, I was extremely stressed stressful and exhausted due
to excessive tests at history class. Therefore, I started to join a soccer team.
Through participating in the soccer club for fun, I could can have a brief moment of
relief from my stressful studies. And I was able to make more friends coming
from other schools. If I had not joined the sports team without stress of
competition, I would have had a time of depression.
Also, joining the sports
game only for fun can increase students’ motivation. This is mainly because
unlike running extremely for victory in the competition, enjoying sports only
for fun can be a facilitator, which motivates students to participate in school
sports team such as Ping-Pong, baseball and basketball game. 왜 동기부여가 된다는 것인지 설명해주세요. With such
motivation, they will make a lot of efforts, concentrate more on their tasks,
and feel more responsible for what they do. Therefore this can bring about
better outcome. For example, my teenage brother, teenage, used to be very negligent and
interest in of his studies. However, three years ago, since he stated to join baseball
club, he has changed little by little. He has become more mature and
self-disciplined. The reason was that my brother felt a sense of achievement as
well as confidence through enjoying sports’ attraction. On top of that, he
began to spend more time on studying and to follow instructions at school. Iif
he had participate in sports team, he would still be irresponsible in all
aspects. 스포츠를 시작하고 나서 나아진 점이지만 딱히 '경쟁이 아닌 즐기기 위한 스포츠를 해서' 얻은 이점이라고 보긴 어려울 것 같아요. 즐기기 위한 스포츠와 학업을 연결하는 건 좀 거리가 있는 것 같아요. 경쟁을 위한 스포츠보다 즐거운 스포츠를 하면 좋은 점을 직접적으로 설명할 수 있는 내용을 보여주는 게 좋아요.
All things considered, I agree that children should
play a sports game only for fun, rather than playing games in a competition.
Writing 0–30 score scale Limited (1-16) Fair (17-23) ✓ Good (24–30)
스트레스를 더 잘 풀 수 있고 동기부여가 잘 된다는 주장들이 모두 좋았습니다. 하지만 본론2에서 설명 내용이나 사례가 너무 멀리 나갔다는 느낌이 드는 부분들은 좀 아쉬웠어요. 동기부여라는 개념 자체가 좀 모호할 수 있으니까 '즐겁게 스포츠를 해야 이러이러한 점이 더 좋다'라고 제시할 수 있는 주장으로 내용을 만들면 좀 더 쉽게 풀 수 있을 거예요. 초반에 '한국에서 논의된다'하는 식으로 굳이 논의 범위를 좁히는 부분들은 빼는 게 더 좋으니까 참고해주세요~ 수고하셨습니다~! |