Some
people might say that teachers should more work on their fields so that they
can deliver knowledge to students more effectively and efficiently. However, in
my way of thinking, the better connection with students, the more they are
likely to help students for two reasons concerning that teachers can help them
in a variety of ways with the relationship and students tend to listen to
teachers when they have a good relationship with their teachers.
To
begin with, teachers are the people who can lead students to the best way as
long as students feel connected with their teachers. To put it this way, if
teachers have no connection with their students, they would not know what are
the problems that students have are and they
would not care about them. For instance, when I was a 3rd year student from my
elementary school, I had a hard time with my classmates since they started
bullying me. However, there was not only no way around it, but also the teacher
who was in charge of me at that time did not care about my situation since he
was just occupied with his study. It was not until next year when I had a new
teacher that I could overcome my difficulty with my classmates. At that time,
my teacher tried to have much time with me and helped me figure out what to do
to recover the relationship with my friends. Thanks to his help, they stopped
making fun of me and, moreover, I could get along with others. If it had not
been for him, I would not have been be
good at school with the trouble.
On
top of that, bonding with students makes them to study hard because students
usually pay more attention on class of teachers who they have a good
relationship with.
For
instance, a friend of mine from my high school was
were not interested in biology at all since he thought that science was
just boring. For this reason, he had got a poor grade on every biology
test.
One
day, a new biology teacher transferred to our
school and my friend had a crush on her. They had a good relationship and the
teacher encouraged him to have some interest in biology. From that time, he
exerted lots of effort to nail biology since he wanted to get compliment from
the teacher and he could get an A on biology. He is even majoring in science
from his university now.
To
sum up, students need familiar teachers to ask for
their help when they are in need and teachers who are connected with students
can inspire students to study more.
In
this regard, I firmly believe that teachers should put more effort to have a
good connection with students than to study their fields.
Good (24–30)
첫번째 본문
-어순 오류. 동사와 주어 도치는 의문문에서 합니다. 의문문이 아닌 경우에는 주로 주어 다음에 동사가 옵니다. 여기서 주어는 the problems 이므로 그 앞에 are을 넣는 것은 어색합니다.
-마지막 문장 가정법이므로 would have p.p. 로 써주세요.
-이유/설명/예시 주제와 관련성있게 잘 쓰셨습니다.
두번째 본문
-같은 본문안에서 줄바꿈하지 않습니다.
-have good relationship with 구문이므로 with를 써주셔야 더 자연스러운 표현이 됩니다.
-주어가 a friend 이므로 were-->was 수 일치 해주세요.
-had got은 문법적으로 잘못되었습니다. had gotten의 과거 완료나 got 의 과거로 써주세요. 의미상 과거로 써도 무방하니 got으로 바꿔주세요.
-new 를 써주시면 더 이해하기 쉬워집니다.
-내용 괜찮습니다. 하지만 두 본문 중 하나는 좀더 객관적인 예시를 들어주셔도 좋습니다.
결론
-ask for help 구문입니다.
-같은 본문에서 줄바꿈하지 않습니다.
수고하셨습니다~~