▶ Your Answer :
Some people may say that if people consider a
major purchase, information from magazines and online communities can have a
great influence on their motivation. However, I have a different idea. I think
that people can get enormous impact that recommendation from friends have on
people's purchase drive. There are is a couple of reasons to support my assertions.
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First of all, when people ponder which items they will buy, advice of friends can make impact on purchase motivation because people
could trust in friends' advice. In other words, people generally tend to get
along with their friend for a long time. Also, they would believe that friends'
frankly advice was is not false. On the other hand, with respect to magazines,
they are inclined to exaggerate their products as if these merchandizes were are
destitute of disadvantages. If people only watch advertisements from magazines and buy the products, their
choice is are likely to have negative impact on their drive such as excessive consumption
and insufficient purchase. Therefore, given advice from friends, people are
able to make optimal decisions. 결정을 더 잘 내리게 해주는 요소가 아니라 구매에 결정적인 영향을 미치는 요인을 묻는 문제라는 점에 유의해야 합니다. 뒷부분에서 잡지광고는 못믿을만한 점이 많은데 친구의 조언은 그렇지 않아서 좋다는 식의 서술은 더 현명한 소비를 위해 어떤 조언을 참고해야 하는지 설명하는 흐름에 가깝기 때문에 논점이 맞지 않을 수 있으니 흐름을 다듬는 편이 좋을 것 같습니다. >space
Second, recommend from friends can affect
people's motivation to purchase expensive products since friends cannot receive
any profit by recommending which goods they purchase. To be specific, friends
could tell them in objective way. It is very important to get objective opinions talk to people
objectively if people they purchase some expensive goods because friends were are able to
judge which decisions are best. For example, when I was a high school student,
I had a friend named Tom. I had a hard time going to college because I had to
use public transportation every day. So, I had decided to purchase an automobile,
but Tom told me that in this time buying a car could make my budget worse. In
order to buy the vehicle, I needed to lend money from bank. As a result, I
eventually accepted his advice by pondering in the future. Now I come to think
of it, it was is very wise choice because, if I had lent lend money from bank, I would have lived live
barely.
결론 문단 만들어주세요.
Comment : 주된 구매에 가장 큰 영향을 미치는 대상이 누구인지 설명하는 문제이므로 '영향'에 좀 더 초점을 맞춰주어야 합니다. 친구의 조언이 '도움이 되는 이유'에 초점이 가면 영향력에 대한 내용 설명이 충분히 전달되기 어렵기 때문에 논점이 흐려질 수 있어요. 영향을 왜 많이 받는지에 초점을 두고 흐름을 바로잡아주세요. 어색한 단어 사용이나 문법표현도 더 꼼꼼하게 봐주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함)
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