▶ Your Answer :
Various
opinions may exist over the argument that a media has an impact on people’s
behavior. I think the media can have a positive effect on person. The two ideas
below can be a valid evidence to support my view. First, they can change their
habit by realizing their fault. And second, they may find their dream through
the media.
To
begin with, some people say that the media may have a bad effect on people. They
make an error because of an aggressive scene in TV or movie. However, they can
change their habit through the media. If a person saw a scene which is opposed to
their behavior, they could realize that their behavior is quite wrong. Through
this process, they can adjust their behavior. For example, I usually had wasted
my money to buy some stickers which has Disney characters and I rarely had used
that. But when I watched a movie ‘the tears of the Amazon’, I realized my wasting
habit. At that time, I corrected my fault by not buying stickers that I would not use. Like this,
people can correct their wrong habits by watching movies or television.
Secondly,
they can find their career way through the media. Characters of movies or dramas often
have a professional job such as a police officer, lawyer, doctor, etc. Some
people find their dream and job by watching this. Likewise, people often change
their future plan and their character. For instance, my younger sister did not have has not
had a dream, so she has had a lot of worries. But someday she watched a police
drama which was made by Japan. She decided her job being a police officer, and
she kept studying hard until now. Also, she changed her character to be nature more righteous. So,
people may find their job and change their personality nature like my sister.
In
conclusion, the media – movies and television – can have positive effects on
people. But it may have negative effects on people, too. Therefore, they should
regulate their time of watching movies or television, and live their life
better by properly watching these.
Good (24–26)
첫번째 본문 -끝에서 네번째 줄에서, 불필요한 과거완료는 지양해주세요. had p.p 는 잘 쓰지 않습니다. -그 다음줄에 문맥상 과거이므로 corrected -그 다음줄에, that I would not use 같은 설명 넣어 주셔야 본인의 낭비 습관을 고쳤다고 더 강조할 수 있습니다.
두번째 본문 -way 보다는 career이 더 적합합니다. -중간에서, have 동사 이용한 과거 표현은 까다로우므로 실수의 여지가 많습니다. did not have 정도로 해도 의미가 통하고, 실수를 방지합니다. -끝에서, nature은 본성이라는 뜻으로 nature을 바꾼다는 것은 좀 어색한 표현입니다. 본인의 캐릭터나 성격 등을 바꾼다고 하는 것이 더 자연스럽습니다. 내용은 괜찮습니다. 실수들 연습해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~
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