▶ Your Answer : It is controversial whether people living today are kinder than people who lived in the past. In this regard, I think people in modern society are not kinder than people in the past. This is because contemporary people do not don't have peace in mind and there are so many crimes today. To begin with, as modern people live busy, and work day and night, they do not don't have any place to rest in their mind. In other words, they are rude. To be specific, people in the past did not didn't need to earn much money or work hard as nowadays. They cultivated to eat and bought what they needed. That was all. However, modern people are trying to earn money to buy luxury house, cars and stacking as much as possible money in their account. To do that, people should work all days, and do not don't take a rest and finally they get stressed out. So, people cannot act kindly to others. For example, my friend works 12 hours per day. He cannot enjoy his hobby, take a nap, and eat well. He was kind and loved to volunteer, but he changed after he got a job. He always wants to be alone, and gets angry easily. As my friend turned in to other personality, I can say that so do people living this modern society. Moreover, people in modern society not are only rude but also commit violent crimes. To be specific, whenever people watch news on television, there are too many violent crimes that people have not imagined ever. Crimes are becoming more and more violent. For example, in Korea, there was a crime that 2 girls murdered a kid and cut the kid's body. Two girls seemed to enjoy killing someone as they did not didn't feel any guilty on their crime and send messages with jokes to each other about their crime. This kind of crime could not observed in the past. And more crimes are committed even now. Therefore, I think modern people are not kind than ever. To sum up, I strongly believe that people are hysterical than people in the past for the following reasons: people’s greediness y and violent crimes.
Good (24-25) 축약형 지양해주세요. don't-->do not, didn't-->did not
첫번째 본문 -끝에서 다섯번째 줄에서, get stressed out 이 더 적합한 표현입니다. -마지막 줄에서, 문맥상 과거이므로, turn-->turned -마지막 줄에서, in to -->into 붙여씁니다.
두번째 본문 -중간에서, 앞에 a kid로 kid가 한 번 나왔고 같은 kid를 지칭하는 것이니 뒤에는 the kid로 합니다. -다음 줄에서, guilt 명사형이 더 적합합니다.
결론 -greedy 형용사, greediness 명사 여기는 violent crimes (명사) 도 그렇고 명사가 와야 더 적합한 자리입니다. 내용은 괜찮습니다. 문법/표현 실수 더 유의해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~
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