▶ Your Answer : Recently, general awareness on the role of professors has aroused a great deal. While some people might argue that it is important for professors to teach students, others deem otherwise. From my perspective, I don't do not agree with the statement stand for the following two reasons. The first reason is that professors have a chance to generate revenue by researching. The second reason is that research carried out by professors can be contributed to development of society. To begin with, it is true that the result of research can cause great effect on breakthrough in technical or academic part of disciplines. The innovation made by the research will be able to make the revenue of professor up. Some skeptics may say that it is too limited to generalize that the great research must be beneficial. However, I have some examples to refute it. When I worked in the university, in Seoul, there are were professors who had researched on the activation of electronic fields. Although they loved to teach their students, they did not have much time to teaching because of doing the research. They eventually got the result of researching and they finally got the patent of the technique to use for electronic fields. Because of its patent, the company who wanted to use this technology that professors worked on studied must had pay guaranteed fees. Therefore they earned a lot of money and they could concentrate on their teaching to student more comfortably after the research. (마무리가 좀 아쉽습니다. 특허로 인한 수익으로 학생들에게 도움이 되는 환경을 만들어주었다던지.. 그런 결론이 낫지 않을까요? 특허내고 돈 벌어서 다시 티칭에 집중할 수 있었다는 결론은 개연성이 없어보입니다)
In addition, even though there are many ways to contribute to society or community, I think meeting one's intellectual fulfillment is the most impressive way to contribute to them. For example, Newton made the law of gravity. Actually it was not much effective at that time though, but it has greatly influenced on entire society nowadays. Almost of Most of the people knew that everything in on the earth falls down, however they did not know why that phenomenon happened before Newton's the law of gravity offered. Although not many people at that time could not understand the law of gravity, it satisfied the wondering of modern public (어색한 문장) As a result, the research discovered by professors have a myriad of advantages rather than teaching someone in terms of contribution. To conclude, although this subject will always remain controversial, I believe I have accurately demonstrated my point of view on this matter with two concise reasons and evidence. Therefore I strongly maintain that doing research is more beneficial than teaching student.
시간이 모질라서 2번째본문은 정말 난장판이네요 ㅠㅠ 항상 첨삭받은거 보고 문제점 파악하면서 하는데도 팍팍 늘지는 않네요 ㅠㅠ 아무튼 감사합니다.
[Score] 21-24 [Feedback] - 팍팍 늘지 않으셔도 너무 걱정하지 마세요. 굉장히 가능성이 있는 에세이입니다. Introduction과 첫번째 아이디어 마무리부분 전까지 매우 잘 쓰셨어요. (사소한 문법적 오류가 있긴 하지만 더 신경쓰시면 줄일 수 있어요) 이는 시간배분만 잘 한다면 고득점을 받을 수 있는 글을 쓰실 수 있다는 뜻입니다. - 두번째 아이디어 부분은 본인도 말씀하셨다시피 예시 자체가 크게 연관성이 없습니다. Topic을 확인하시면 제일 먼저 주장-아이디어1-근거(예시)-아이디어2-근거(예시) 감을 잡고 글을 쓰기 시작하시면 좋을 것 같아요. 그리고 시간 안에 빨리 쓰고 꼭 문법실수를 줄이기 위해 더블체크도 할 수 있도록 노력해보세요~
수고하셨습니다.^^ |