▶ Your Answer : Along with the vast societal advancement, some issues are gaining popularity among populace, one . One of which is the extended family. A big chunk of population believe that a big family is not as significant now as before, while others think otherwise. In my opinion, Wwith rational thinking, I can only agree that the latter stance statement (후자는 statement를 제시한 적이 없으므로 후자의 '입장'과 같은 표현이 더 적절합니다.) is reasonable. In this writhing, I will discuss main reasons why the extended family is indispensable for us based on my experiences.
First, I am of the same mind with the aforementioned principle for the reason that we could lean on each other when having difficult situations in a big family. Although each person lives in his or her own way, they have something in common about breaking hard time out in their life; such as getting serious diseases, traffic accidents, and breaking up with a boyfriend or a girlfriend. For example, I am living in a house with my kin. When I was 14 years old, I and my friend Jo got a traffic accident. My ribs left lamp bone and his right arms got fracture individually. So, we had to stay been in a hospital as patients for a while even though we wanted to go out to hang out with my friends. However, Mmy relatives started to take after me periodically. They often visited to me and provided my favorite cartoon books and food for me. While staying with them, I felt a happiness and strong comfort. But, my friends Jo felt lonely because he did not doesn't any relatives and was not familiar with my kin. Thus, owing to offering the comfort and love for other family members, the extended family is important.
Not only that, the additional viewpoint that ought to be taken into account is that the the big family could play a significant role in developing to develop communication skills with others for our children. Making a good human relationship has educational values for the young. 대가족으로 살면 왜, 어떻게 사교성이 길러지는지 설명해주세요. For instance, I am living with my grand parents. my grandfather has had dementia for 10 years. So, it has usually been hard for people to perceive what he says said on the ground that he often mumbles to others. However, I can almost understand what he says try to say because I am one of people familiar with him. So, wWhen I did volunteer work for the old, there were are some old people who had have dementia. I was able to grasp and talk with them easily in a easier way though they had difficulties expressing something. And then, I managed to finish my volunteer work it very well as well as felt a strong confidence and accomplishment. As a result, I think that in terms of communication skills for our children, the big family could be helpful.
Subsequent to mulling over the query, I have finally come to grasp that the extended family has some strong points of leaning on each other and improvement of communication skills for our children. However, everything has two sides, and in order for the disadvantages not to prevail, we should exercise caution and moderation. As we all know, too much of anything is bad for us. 현재 주제에 연결하기는 좀 어색한 마무리입니다. 표시한 부분 이전에서 글을 그냥 마쳐도 괜찮을 것 같아요.
Comment : 주제에 맞게 내용을 잘 생각해주셨어요. 템플릿을 사용할 때 어색한 부분들이 생기지 않도록 흐름에 유의해서 수정&보완해주시면 좋을 것 같아요. '왜' 대가족이 도움이 되는지 설명하는 부분도 보완해주세요. 어색한 문법 사용이 종종 있으니 체크해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3.5/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary
(답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함)
|