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Your Answer :
Some people think
that it is better to have one or two friends to spend time with. However, in my
opinion, having many friends will be good
for our lives because you can get help from
your friends in many ways (diverse fields)
and they can comfort you when you are sad. (your
mind get better relaxed when you have many friends.)
First, you can get help from your friends when you face
some problems in your life. (Human's) Modern life is getting more and more complex (these
days) and it is really important to recover from our everyday failure. However, we can't predict the sort of the problem
we will have, so you can get (adequate) help
from your friends. (when you have friends in
relevant fields.) For instance, the last three
years of my life has been difficult, (I have gone through harsh life last 3
years,) and each problem I had was unique. (i
had was diffrent from the others.) I was
just a young boy and didn't know how to deal with them. Luckily I got help from my friends who knew well about the problems. (has specialty
relevant to the problem and managed to get over it.) If I had had few friends, some of the problems would
have been really difficult to deal with. ( screwed
me up.)
On top of that, having many friends can
give us moral support. (mentally relaxed
state.) People are social animals. (We ,at last,) People
all need somebody to rely on. (survive in
this life.) It is natural that we feel anxious when we think that we
are isolated from other people. When
you get older, this kind of problem becomes more important. For example, according
to a study conducted by Cardiff
University in Wales, people's quality of life will decrease exponentially as
(when) the number of friends decreases. (goes
down.) When people felt that he or she had a
good network of friends, (was in a stable human network,)
they thought that it was safe to live on their own. (in their own life.) In
contrast, when people have few friends to rely
on, (few companies to hang out,) they tend
to feel small and sad about almost everything. (thought that their
social value is so low and feel sad almost everytime of their lives.)
To sum up, having
many friends is beneficial in many ways which I mentioned above. (a
large group of friends allow us practical benefits and mental stability.)
In this regard, I think it is better to
spend time with with many friends than to associate
with few friends.
Writing Score (0-30): 17-20
Score (0-5):2.50-3.00
Grammar & Feedback: 문법적 오류와 어색한 표현들이 많았습니다. 특히 대소문자, 스펠링 실수 같은 사소한 실수는 더 주의 하세요. 전반적으로 좀 더 공부가 필요해 보입니다. 수고하셨어요.
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