▶ Your Answer :
Governments
should execute their budget to make better societies such as making the Internet more available for people to use (easier
accessible Internet) or improving public transportation. Among these two
options, I (can) insist that governments should utilize more assets to improve
public
transportation rather than make the Internet more easily accessible for the
following two reasons: people can take more advantageous of improved public
transportation than easier access to the
Internet, and the Internet with easier accessibility would cause (the) problems.
To
begin with, modern public transportation has lots of problems that should be
solved. One of the most significant issues
is deteriorating the environment. Some
people think that utilizing public transportation is less harmful than using
people's own vehicles. (That is right,) It is true,
however, (but too) many people are using public transportation, so it
emits a considerable amount of (countless)
carbon dioxide that damages the nature. (
woods, destroying shelters of living creatures and so on.) To solve this
problem, governments should put their monetary assists to change gasoline taxes
and buses, to eco-friendly vehicles such as electric cars that do not emit any
harmful gases. Moreover, governments can increase the number of people who use
public transportation by regulating and reducing its fee. These solutions would
let us bequeath our cleaner, better planet to the
next generation.
On
top of that, the Internet has uncontrollable quandaries such as illegal file
distributions, online drug shopping mall, (too) easy access to porn (for
children) and etc. If governments invest their money to easier accessible
Internet, then nobody will be able to regulate these problems. For instance, when my cousin was 12 years old, he wanted to play
FPS game, however, it was rated R. (limited
age for playing this game was 18.) So he put fake personal information to make an account. (such as fake birthday and a
year when he was born, while making a new account.) (He already did violate
law, what will happen if he can access to the internet more easily? Maybe, he
would be in jail because of smuggling drugs through the Internet.)
In
conclusion, spending money on improving public transportation can give benefits
to people. On the contrary, making the Internet
more accessible will bring more harm than good to our society. (easier
accessible Internet is only same as making one more evil in our societies.) For
these reasons, I think governments must use their budget to improve public
transportation.
Writing Score (0-30): 21-24
Score (0-5): 3.25-3.75
Grammar & Feedback: 문법적인 오류가 약간 있었고 어색한 문장도 몇 개 있었습니다. 제시하신 예시는 좋았는데 그걸 설득력 있게 풀어쓰시질 못한 것 같아서 아쉽네요. 수고하셨습니다.
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