▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that a job with more
vacation is better than jobs with high salary and less vacation. However, in my
opinion it is better to have a job with high salary and less vacation for two
reasons.
To begin with, to survive in this world of endless
competition, people ought to work and study. In the case of modern society,
everyone is aware that promoting in company and being success is becoming successful is like a camel
passing through the eye of a needle nowadays. One's ability can be clouded by
the other's abilities, in order to stand out, a person must work and study. Therefore,
people have to develop themselves during working. For example, a co-worker of mine
was a person who usually went to vacation and enjoyed his life while working
leisurely. The others accompany envied him. However, on a promoting day, he
could not get a good score, eventually he could not be promoted. This was because,
he had not developed his high language skill and others, and he had struggled
making up his lack of skills later. He regretted about that and advise me to
study and work loyally not to go to vacation. This example clearly illustrates
that to survive in this world of endless competition, people ought to work and
study.
In addition, people need lot of money when
they are young for their later years because human's life span is long. Their
work will be stopped, people have to prepare their later year. Most people are
concerning their declining year and rely on national pension. However, a little
amount of pension will not satisfy people, thus people have to save a lot of
money when they can earn money. When it comes to spending money, every penny's
count. This is because a little drop of water can make the mighty ocean. If we
do not get used to working on a tight budget, we will go on a cash later. A
penny pinching life will lead to financial stability in our later years and
give us piece of mind. For instance, my uncle was very thrifty, even though he
earned a lot of money. Even, he drives away a very old car which my grandfather
gave him 15 years ago. After few decades, he bought a big apartment and new car
by saving money. He does not need to worry about his later year because he saves
a lot of money already. It has such a huge influence on me that I believe that people
need lot of money and save them when they are young for their later years.
To sum up, to survive in this world of endless
competition, people ought to work and study. Moreover, people need lot of money
and save them when they are young for their later years. In this regard, I
firmly believe that a job with high salary and less vacation is better than jobs
with more vacation for two reasons I mentioned above.
Good: 24~30 점수 :29 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에 있어서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것 중에 하나는 에세이가 얼마나 설득력이 있는 지 입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우에는 각 단락들이 자기가 무엇을 말하려고 하는 지를 잘 알고 있는 에세이인거 같습니다. 너무 구체적으로 잘 서술되어 있기 때문에 고칠 부분이 없는 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. 수고많으셧습니다.
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