▶ Your Answer :
A controversial issue regarding whether it
is better for young individuals to choose a job in the same field as their
parents or not has been ongoing. Several opinions arose, and I support the
idea that young people has to select the different job for two essential reasons:
people can get much information about what they need from the internet in these
days, and people can build the sense of independence. but I personally believe it is better for young people to take a job different from parents for the following two subsequent reasons.
To start the argument, it has become less
important for young people to receive help from their parents because today’s
technology has made it very convenient to access information without much
effort. People can look for and find information about what they need to learn
very easily by using the Internet. This means that a lot of knowledge can be
acquired without advice from parents when it can be reached almost anywhere and
anytime by using the Internet in this modern society. For example, my brother
wanted to be a cook, but my parents could not give him any advice because they
did not know about that area at all. Nevertheless, he could look up the information
such as recipes in the Internet and become a capable cook now.
On top of that, young people can build the
sense of independence when they choose a different career for themselves. If
people rely on their parents, they cannot learn to face challenge and are not
be able to build sense of independence. It may adversely affect to be
successful in their career. For example, my friend chose same job as his
parents, and he relied on his parents and asked them to solve the problem whenever
he faced the challenges. After all, he could not build the sense of
independence and get reputation in his career. In this regard, it is better for
young people to select a job in the different field from their parents to be
independence and successful.
Fair: 17~23 점수: 23 일단 지금 이 에세이는 가장 중요한 결론이 없습니다. 독립형 에세이에서 결론이 하는 역활은 에세이로 하여금 마무리를 짓는 것인데 지금 이 에세이는 독립형 구조에서 필요한 결론이 빠져있습니다. 이러한 부분 이외에는 전체적으로 잘 서술된 독립형 에세이입니다. 특히 각 단락의 설명들이 이해하기 쉽게 잘 표현하여서 서술한 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
|