▶ Your Answer : Some people might say that the cleaing room is not related to the student's study. However, in my opinion, the students who keep their room clean are more efficient to study for the following two subsequent reasons. To begin with, it is conveinent for students to find the books or implements. if they organize their room by their own hand, they could swiftly be ready to study becasuse they already know about the location of stuffs that they need for study. For example, i will talk about Kim and Lee to elucidate my point. Incorporate(여기에 쓰여지는 어휘가 아닙니다) me, we were roomate when i was in university. In case of Kim, he did not align their his(앞에가 he이기 때문에 뒤에가 his가 되어야 합니다) books in his bookcase. Unlike KIm, Lee always cleaned his bookcase and table. When we started the study together. Kim took a long time to prepare to study. On the other hand, Lee already focused in his study. On top of that, Doing something in the inhospitable condition, the effieciency efficiency is not good when doing something in an inhospitable condition (이 순서가 어법상 더 자연스럽습니다). The weird odor from remnant food, trash can, clothes, and all the things hinder the student's study. Psychologically, they could can not concentrate on their duty. For instance, a study conducted by the ASD pyschology institution to determine whether dirty room could affect efficiency. There were two groups monitored. The first group was formed of people who located in the dirty room and dicatated the following sentence that sounded from the speaker. And the other group was consisted of people who located in the nasty room and did same dictation. After experiment, the researchers concluded that nasty room was much more effective to focusing. In the following interview interviwe, the students said the reason was that due to the difference of the room's state. To sum up, in the clean room, people could find their objects quickly. Moreover, people are easily distracted from their peripheral environment. In this regard, i personally believe that students who keep rooms neat and organized are more successful than thoes who do not
예상 점수: 14-17 총평: 우선 어법과 문법상 문제가 많고, 철자와 어휘선택도 실수가 많습니다. 항상 글을 쓰실때는 그 상황에 적합한 시제, 단어 그리고 표현이 어우러져야 합니다. 그리고 통일성과 논리성이 있어야합니다. 현재의 예시는 물론 불가능하지는 않지만 조금 더 신뢰성이 있는 예시가 주어지면 좋을 것 같습니다. 전체적으로 글을 조금씩 다듬으실 필요가 있습니다. 수고 많으셨습니다. |