▶ Your Answer : Some people might say advertising is main cause of unhealthy eating habits. It is an intriguing question because the opinions regarding this topic might be different depending on individual's perspectives. In my opinion, however, I firmly disagree and think that advertising is not the main cause of unhealthy eating habits for the following reasons.
To begin with, habits are made by one's own will. Nothing or nobody forces someone to make a habit. Even if there is some seduction from someone or something to make a bad habit, you can choose by your own willingness to not do it and stay away from it one can choose own desire (독립형 에세이에서는 you를 사용하면 안됩니다). For example, if there is an advertisement of a junk food late at night, and you want to order it, you can still refrain from it. Secondly, even if you chose to order and ate one late at night, you can stop it from being a habit by not doing it next time.
On top of that, advertisements are regulated and controlled by the government to not be harmful to citizens. For instance, TV commercials are censored by the broadcast communication committee and those considered detrimental can't be shown. Also, associated agencies or departments regarding citizen's health carefully looks after advertisements detrimental to people's health. As an example, they try to eradicate insanitary foods and naturally, advertisements of those aren't allowed either.
To sum up, habits are made by a person's own will and advertisements are carefully controlled by related departments. In this regard, I do not think the main factor causing people's unhealthy eating habits are advertisements.
Fair: 17~23 점수: 23 일단 독립형 에세이에서는 you를 서술하시면 안됩니다. 이인칭 주어로 에세이를 서술하는 것 보다는 삼인칭 주어로 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 그리고 전반적으로 내용면에 잇어서 부족함이 보입니다. 지금 이 독립형 에세이에서 필요한 것은 구체적인 설명입니다. 구체적인 설명이 부족하기 때문에 이 에세이를 통해서 무엇을 전달하려고 하는 지 모르겠습니다. 따라서 좀 더 구체적으로 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |