▶ Your Answer : Some people think that parents should devote more time to doing schoolwork with their children. However, in my opinion, I think it is better to spend a lot of time playing games or sports with their children. (Briefly state reasons) To begin with, children can feel relaxed and comfortable by doing sports activities spending a lot of time with their children. As teenagers reach enter puberty, they feel nervous and starts to have a lot of worries. It can interfere their concentration them to concentrate on studying and they might easily get feel stress. However, they can relieve their stress by having a bondage with their parents because they can get good advice and peace of mind. Having the outlet for stress has a meaning in itself, it helps by helping children regain energy and to find strength to go on. These days, children are having pressure not only mentally but also physically. It will help them get back on track by having a lot of time with their parents. For example, when I was a middle school, I had gone through have had a serious puberty, and a lot of worries about my academic course. At that time, my parents and I have gone to travel within Korea domestic and abroad. We have done many things there such as soccer, and games. I felt relax and comfortable, and whenever I got a big problem, I counted on my parents and ask for advice. Therefore, I overcame my puberty smoothly and felt more relax. It has such a huge influence on me that parents are better to spend a lot of time playing games or sports with their children. In addition, in fact, it is not helpful that parents devote more time to doing schoolwork with their children in this world. I believe experience is one of the most essential factors of succeed, not only good academic records. Imagine students only have a textbook knowledge. Their view will be so narrowed and not have a sociality. By having a time playing games or sports, they can not only gain diverse experiences and also but also broaden their horizon in this world. For instance, when I was in high school, a friend of mine was an excellent student in all fields. Her mother who was known as "helicopter mom" always paid attention to my friend’s academic score. Eventually, my friend entered a good university, but she could not get along with their classmates because she spent too much time only studying. Then, her parents and she regretted on the campus life without not having a variety experience. This example clearly illustrates that children have to have a wide array of experiences by having a good time with their parents. To sum up, children can feel relax and comfortable by spending a lot of time with their children. Moreover, it is not helpful that parents devote more time to doing schoolwork with their children in this world. In this regard, I firmly believe that it is better to spend a lot of time playing games or sports with their children for two reasons I mentioned above.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 2
| 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 16-19 | - 템플릿을 잘 활용하였으나, contents의 대부분이 템플릿으로 구성되어 있고, One's own ideas가 많이 포함되어 있지 않네요. - 첫 번째 내용에서는 Schoolwork에만 집중하였을 때에 안좋은 사례를, 두 번째 내용에서는 Sports나 Game 을 부모님과 함께 함으로써 얻을 수 있는 장점에 대하여 보다 언급하여 주시기 바랍니다.
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