▶ Your Answer : There have been numerous debates about television advertising, and one of them is whether television advertising targeting should be allowed to direct toward children aged whose age is two to five should be allowed or not. Although some people would think that those children should not be watch seen television advertising, I think that those advertisement is not necessarily a detrimental thing.
First of all, showing children television advertising would make them know about real life in their future. A majority of young children who are aged two to five will not have much opportunity to experience real life-going to such as somewhere that they have not gone or purchasing something that they want to buy, etc., because they are too young to go outside. All things that the children do are to be done at home with their parents without any social contacts. By watching those advertisement which contains various aspects of society, they would get a sense of not only buying merchandises but also virtual life in the future, and the children will feel more ease with social interaction. (Specify the meaning) For example, in the advertisements of sports equipment, one can easily see several aspects that form the society-people doing sports, harnessing sports equipment, supporting others in game, etc.(Awkward)
Second, the children could be more creative. (Through what?) As the children grow, they will know some factors in the television advertisement, such as the purpose of the advertising. By watching the promotion, they will soon recognize in what way the advertisement want to appeal their products. For example, I watched the television all the day, and so the television advertisement when I was in a kindergarten. I was later able to guess massages that the advertisement wanted to deliver, and then focused on their promotion tactics. With this experience, I made my own advertisement by myself in my home and the kindergarten, which gave rise to my creativity.
To sum up, I think that there would be also positive aspects in showing young children television advertisements. They might nurture their sense of buying things, which is one the most important factors in life, and creativity.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 2 | Score | Fair 16-18 | - 제시된 주장이 상당히 simple하거나 thesis와 관련한 information이 많지 않습니다.
- 어색한 의미의 문장들 정정이 필요합니다. - 주장의 일부로써, ads가 주는 messages가 왜 children이 알아야 하는가, 그와 관련하여 children이 가질 수 있는 benefits 가 무엇인가 등에 대하여 심도있게 분석해보셔야 합니다.
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