▶ Your Answer : Some people think that school uniforms should be not required not be required for high school students. However, in my opinion, it is better to be obligatory than to give students a freedom of what to wear. There are two reasons to have uniforms as obligatory for the following two subsequent reasons.
First, students are able to save considerable amount of time because most of school uniforms' designs are simple to wear students can save considerable amount of time (이유를 좀 더 명확하게 설명하고 난 후 예시로 넘어가시길 바랍니다). For example, when I used to get ready for school in the morning, I did not need to spend much time in making my good-looking outfits by following the uniform rules. On the other hand, my brother who did not have his own uniform was choosing everything such as T-shirts, pants socks or so on to find good matches. used a plethora of time on choosing what to wear.
Second, uniforms reduce to reveal the financial gap between the poor and rich students. Frankly, this issue is actually like a double-edged sword. It is also true that students express their color in clothes which they buy personally. However, I believe the advantage of it overshadows the disadvantages concerning the fact that adolescent students are sensitive in frequently changed fashion trend, which they get stimulated to imitate new popular styles. Students who cannot afford it would lose self-esteems while they are comparing themselves to others.
To sum up, it is time-saving for students to wear prepared uniforms. Moreover, the spending difference among students is not presented apparently
점수: 22 일단 지금 이 에세이에서는 고쳐야 할 부분들이 잇습니다. 먼저 첫 번째 단락같은 경우에 있어서는 이유가 구체적으로 설명이 되지 않은체 바로 예시로 넘어가서 에세이를 서술하였습니다. 이러한 부분은 좋지 않습니다. 왜냐하면 절대 적으로 설득력이 부족하게 되기 때문입니다. 지금 이 에세이는 전체적으로 설명이 빈약한 에세이입니다. 좀 더 구체적으로 자신의 주장을 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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