This is an intriguing question because this issue can be relying depend on individual perspectives (this가 가르키는 대상이 무엇인가요? 모호합니다 구체적으로 말하길 바랍니다). In my opinion, however, I support that the parent should not set strict rules for children for the following reason.
First of all, If parent should strict rules the children, it decreases children’s authority children's authority can be decreased. To be specific, authority creates many opportunities to method how to live this world to young children (이 밑줄 친 부분을 통하여서 하고자 하는 말이 무엇인가요). It (어떤 대상을 가르키고 있는 건가요?) can develop when the children are baby. For example, the decision: which clothe they wear, what they eat the food, where they go, are develop from young age develop from young age. This process pile up more and more piles up more, the children knows know (children은 복수 주어 입니다) them-self: who am I, what I want, or why I live. Therefore, they live their own life and can experience more dynamic situation due to their authority.
Secondly, the success definition can be different between parent and child the definition of success can be different. To be specific, the parent and child have not same identity and live in same childhood do not have same childhood. It’s very different environment. In contrast the past world, modern people have diverse thinking and opinion about world and others. For example, 100 years ago, most people thought that the landowner is rich man, however, today’s people thought that rich man have various jobs, not only landowner. They respect each of people success anything. Just, they make standard about success that is happiness. Therefore, while meaning of success is different each of people, the parent should not direct the children for their success.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that parent should not strict children life for success. This topic have been effectively and precisely delivered the reason. I truly hope this issue may have some impact on our life.
지금 이 에세이는 각 단락들이 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 이러한 느낌이 드는 가장 결정적인 이유는 각 문장들이 설명을 하다가나 끝나거나 아님 문법적 오류로 인해 의미 파악이 변질이 되는 부분들이 나타나는 거 같습니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이가 나아가야할 점은 좀 더 문장의 질과 주제의 질을 높이면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.