■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : The government’s help is often unnecessary. Help from friends and family is better. AG/DIS -> DIS |
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▶ Your Answer : Some
people think that government’s assistance does not
help public life. However, in my opinion, people can get a lot of help from
government when they have a problem. There are following two subsequent
reasons. To begin with, the government has a large amount of finance comparing to that of friends or family.
Imagine that poor people need money to buy a house or to
pay tuition fee for one’s children. Is it possible to borrow large money from friends or
family? The answer would be no. It is burden for them due
to the scale of money. For example, when I was a
college student, my family had
not enough money to pay my
tuition fee. So my mother asked uncle to lend some money. But it was not
enough to cover the whole feesmall so I planned to get a part-time jon to earn
money. Someday, my friend said me government helps poor students if they submit proper paper. So, I obtained all
tuition fees and could graduate the college successfully. On top of that, the government gives professional help to people since they organize several departments where experts in each sectors can
work in their fields to solve problems. This makes people to get a help easily and rapidly. For example, there is a poll conducted by Seoul University, with public as respondents. The purpose of
the survey was to understand the consensus view about government help in today’s society. An overwhelming 88% responded that it is very necessary
for public to solve one’s problem. One of the
respondents said in the following interview that people who have a complicated
problem can gain diverse help from government rather than family. Because, they
can directly asked a specific field problem to the government which consisting
of experts.
In this regard, the government’s help is necessary concerning the fact it has a large of finance
and more be specialized rather general person like family or friend. |
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è 제시한 두
가지의 주장은 좋았습니다. 하지만 그 주장을 풀어나가는 방법과 근거를 위한 예시의 연관성이 많이 부족하였습니다. 정부가 많은 finance를 갖고있다면 그 재력으로 객관적인 도움의
성과를 제시했어야 했고, 세분화된 구조로 적절한 도움을 받을 수 있다면 그 구조에 대한 조금 더 구체적인
설명과 이점을 설명했어야 합니다. 내용과는 또 별개로, 문법실수와
단어실수 또한 빈번히 보입니다. 기본적인 글쓰기 능력과 논리제시법을 키울 필요가 있겠습니다. 수고하셨습니다.
è 점수 14