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Artistic and aesthetic pleasures greatly entertain people. Appreciating artworks and playing musical instruments can significantly reduce stress levels. Sadly, I think the government should decrease its spending on art than parks and public transit, even with these advantages. There is only one compelling reason, art comparatively farther from the survival of human beings. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with parks, they provide not only a place for rest and meet the nature, but also emanate oxygen for the city (왜 미술에 대한 투자를 그만 두어야하는 에세이이기 때문에 다른 초이스의 장점을 설명하기 보다는 미술의 부정적인 측면을 서술하는 것이 좋을 거 같습니다). When most parts of territories were developed, the number of forests has considerately decreased. As forests that can purify the atmosphere diminished, along with the increase in micro-dust and toxic gas exuded, the quality of atmosphere began to get worsened. Only after the government realized that worsened air quality affects to human health, it built a number of parks over the country. For there were substantial recommendation by the World Health Organization to build more parks with forests. After two decades of its implementation, the air quality is recovered. However, all of the parks now managed by the government. Thus if it decrease the spending on parks, say, it results in either barren parks without trees that could eliminate CO2 or privatized parks which owners would not guarantee its consistent usage as parks.
Secondly, the public transit is unalienable with financial survival. In Seoul, more than ten million people live and around the Seoul hundreds millions of people reside. However, surprisingly most of workers in Seoul and around Seoul required the public transits to get to their works. It is fundamentally because the distance between works in the center of Seoul and residence usually at the edge or outside of Seoul is far. According to a research by National Transportation Commission, on average workers have 30 miles from their home to work. Since most companies do not provide sufficient number of parking lots, workers use public transits like subway and bus to get to work alone. In addition, gas price in Seoul is expensive, it is hard to maintain a car and the public transits are relatively cheap. Given that government subsidize great portion of the public transits which leads to cheaper fees for each transportation, without maintaining its current level of spending, citizens cannot afford their life.
Art can influence on human greatly. To be frank, art can survive without subsidy from government when thinking even paleolithic humans drew a picture in a cave and relished its beauty. However, it is not as fundamental as parks and the public transits to human life. 점수: 20
일단 가장 중요한 주제를 벗어났습니다. 일단 이 에세이의 중요 주제는 미술에 돈을 투자하면 안되다에 대한 에세이입니다. 따라서 이러한 주제와 알맞게 에세이를 서술하기 위해서는 각 단락에서 미술의 부정적인 측면에 대한 이유와 설명을 서술하여야 합니다. 하지만 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 전혀 관계없이 다른 초이스에 대한 장점들만 서술하고 있는 거 같습니다. 따라서 미술의 부정적인 측면에 중점을 두면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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