■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : after
20 years, there will be more leisure time than today
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▶ Your Answer :
Some
people think that after 20 years, there will be more leisure time than today.
However, in my opinion, I disagree with this opinion that some people's thought
for the following subsequent reason.
When
it comes to change in competing society compared to the past, there will be no
more leisure time than today. To be specific, to survive in the world of
endless competition, people do not have to spend time doing leisure things.
Everyone is aware that living in these days is like a camel passing through the
eyes of a needle nowadays. One's ability can be clouded by others' ability. So
in order to stand out in this society, people should spend more time for self-development than enjoy their leisure time. For example, when I was an undergraduate student, I had a hard time adapting to my school. Since I wanted to
enjoy my college's life while staying as an undergraduate student, But my major's study and
practice was so difficult. Also I was so confused by pupil's behavior such as
waking up at 6:00am and going to sleep at 3:00am. As I watched my pupil's life, I did
not want the same as them. But I cannot deny the fact that people who live in the
present should compete with each other. Inevitably, I accepted my situation, so
I work up at 6:00 am and got sleep at 3:00. Now I am be a lawyer who works in Samsung.
Also I am earning much money and having a good reputation. But I work 15 hours
a day. Although I have lots of money, Thanks to be long working hour, I do not
enjoy my life such as playing soccer or meeting new friends. So I think that
after 20 years, my life is just same as now.
In
summary, as far as competing society is concerned, there will be no more
leisure time than today. In this regard, I firmly believe that after 20 years, no
more leisure time compared to the past for the reasons I mentioned above. |
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점수: 18/30
1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. intro와 conclusion의 분량을 늘려주세요.
3. 일반적으로 서론 - 본론1 - 본론2 - 결론이 적절한 문단 구조입니다.
another reason으로 또 다른 본문을 써주세요.
4. example 뒤로 concluding sentence를 써주세요. 그리고 example의 비율이 너무 높습니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*