▶ Your Answer :
Some people say that one should spend their
money instantly after earning it. However, I think it is much more beneficial
to deposit money rather than just use it for the following two reasons.
First of all, it allows a person to use it
at an emergency. Only if a person has enough saved money, he or she will be
able to spend it when faces an unexpected situation confronting with unexpected situation. For example, I didn't did not (독립형 에세이에서는 줄인말을 서술하면 안됩니다) use
my wages that much during the military service, so that I could save a lot of
money there. After retirement, I got injured from a light car accident. So I
had to spend a lot of money to pay for the physical operation. Thanks to the
money that I saved earlier, I was able to afford the operation fee.
On top of that, it is better to save money
because I can use it for my future. If I have money on my bank account, I can
spend it on the things that could help me build a career. For instance, I
always wanted to attend a study abroad program to learn English, which can make
be me more competitive in the future society. But it costs a big amount of
money to study in a foreign country. If I have not saved did not save money since I was a
freshman, I would not able to participate in this valuable program.
To sum up, it is useful when a person
encounters an unanticipated crisis and one can also spend it to achieve a
bigger success in the future. In this regard, I strongly believe that it is
more advantageous to save money than spend it right after getting paid.
점수; 22 전반적으로 설명이 많이 모호합니다. 각 단락에서 이 에세이가 무엇을 얘기하는 것인지 잘 모르겠습니다. 내용이 정리가 덜 되었다라는 느낌이 많이 듭니다. 정리가 덜되었다라는 느낌이 드는 이유는 전체적으로 설명이 부족하고 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |