■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. Your response will be judged on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words. ■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading
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▶ Topic : Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Providing students with grades promotes learning. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion |
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▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that
grading is helpful to spur students’ learning willingness to learn.
However, in my opinion, grading is not helpful to spur students’ willingness (앞 문장이랑 똑같은 표현이 쓰였고, 이는 글을 단조롭게 만드는 요소입니다. paraphrase 해보세요!). Rather, it will even account for
erasing their willingness to study because the grading system is the main reason which makes students depressed and it disturbs them from learning real life lessons. due to grading which is main reason of making
student depressed by their grades, and disturbing to learn real life lessons.
To begin with, students who
are graded by their academic performances are easily intimidated and stressed by
grades. They usually give up on hard subjects such as math and science because
they’re worried about receiving lower (비교 대상이 있으면 비교급으로 적어주셔야 합니다.) grades than their
colleagues’ average. Because in their opinion, even if they although they
would study the hard subject, the result of test will not change due to
difficulty of the subject. Also. according to a the study, researchers proved
that 60% of high school students in Korea felt depressed and stress about having to receive
getting great grades and it affected their motivation to challenge and study
difficult subjects.
On top of that, grades
prevent students from learning other things that do not affect grade (영향을 '주는' 인가요 아니면 '받는' 인가요? 확인해보시고 수정해주세요!. Due to
grading, students focus on the consequent of their study performance, rather than the not steps
of studying hard. So they tend to learn only what will affect their grades.
Take the example of my friends, who tended to focus overall study performances
before teachers have graded students’ performances. Now she
doesn’t care even about the important things which will not affect
her grades. She only studies textbooks and it will account for lacking real
life lessons through other experiences.
To sum up, grades affect adversely affect
students’ studying willingness (여기도 웬만하면 바뀌는 게 좋습니다.) and even their life due to
their stress of grades and lacking life lessons of only studying test subjects.
In this regard, I assert that grades result negative effects on students’ scholastic development.
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총평: 논제에 대한 적절한 근거를 제시해주셨고, 예시와 통계 자료의 활용 역시 좋았습니다. 그러나 이에 비해 같은 단어 혹은 문구가 너무 자주 쓰인다는 큰 문제점이 있어요. 이로 인해 글이 상당히 지루해지고, 내용적인 측면에서 점수를 얻은 것도 돋보이지 못하게 됩니다. 동의어를 더 적극적으로 활용하셔서 이러한 문제를 해결해주세요! 수고하셨습니다 :)