▶ Your Answer : Many parents’ concern is whether they
should play games or sports with their children or help them doing schoolwork.
I personally think parents should play with their children as much as they can.
I feel this way for two subsequent reasons. for the following two subsequent reasons.
First of all, I believe having fun time
with their children will increase the intimacy that will result in having strong
bond of a family playing game increases intimacy. Playing a game will let us communicate more and compete
within the rules and boundaries of respecting one another. Moreover, this will
create the atmosphere of trust by playing a team sports. My experience
illustrates a great example for this. I used to play a board game called
settlers. My father taught all the family members and everyone enjoyed all
night playing and talking about things around us. After that time, we could
feel that the bondage of our family got tightened.
Secondly, I think playing a game or a sport
will improve skills of studying by oneself. I could not say every game or
sports will affect the children in improving academics. However, certain games
like chess will not allow children to overlook timid mistake they could make.
Concentrating on one thing will lead them to focus more when they need to. In
addition, if a person can finish a game and experience joy of completing one
task on one’s own, he will also be able to find the joy of studying oneself
without parents’ assistance. For instance, a survey was conducted by the
University of Seoul concluding that those who understand the rules and
regulations of a certain game is more likely to find the ways to solve problems
without any help from peers.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that parents
and children will be able to make their relationship better, and children will
learn to find a solution of a problem more logically on their own by playing
games or sports together.
점수: 27 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것은 설득력 입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 설득력 부분에 있어서는 잘 맞춰져서 서술한 독립형 에세이인거 같습니다. 각 단락들이 자기가 무엇을 얘기하려고 하는 것인지를 아는 것 뿐만 아니라 구체적으로 또한 논리적으로 자신의 주장을 풀어내서 서술한 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |