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There is a famous Korean saying “experience lots of things as you can.” This is a common saying I have heard though of my life from my grandfather. He wanted me to know that experience in different places where I never been can learn a lesson. I believe experience in other countries gains more benefits than traveling to their own country for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, travel traveling to different countries can broaden their perspective. For examples, my friend from Korea who majored in Arts, went to France, Italy, and Russia which are famous for the artistic. When she visited the different church and watched different architecture, she was able to get a various idea to her drawing. Thereby, people can be exposed to different ideas and thoughts that they have never known before through the trip.
Furthermore, people can reduce stress by joining new activities which they cannot join in their own country. For instance, when Korean people visit Hawaii, they experience sea leisure sports such as sea gliding and scuba diving. They can experience a new environment and watch beautiful sea animals which are hard to see in Korea. Moreover, if they go to Swaziland, they can skill on the mountain. Different nature view can reduce stress. Therefore people gain lots of things than traveling to other countries by experience new activities.
Some may believe that biggest countries like the United States and China have different culture depends on region. However, most countries are not big enough to experience a different culture than experience in other countries. Therefore, traveling to abroad is more beneficial than traveling in their own country.
점수: 25 지금 이 에세이에서 가장 특징적으로 보여지는 부족한 부분은 이유에 대한 구체적 설명들이 부족합니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 예시에 중점을 너무 많이 드는 거 같습니다. 예시에 중점을 두는 것 보다는 이유에 대한 구체적인 설명을 더 하시는 것이 좋은 에세이를 받는 것에 있어서 필요한 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. 감사합니다
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