■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : Some people think that parents should take care of
their young children. Others believe that their eldest should take care of
young children. Which option do you agree with?
적고보니 글자수가 너무 적은 것 같네요...ㅜㅜ |
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▶ Your Answer :
It is disputable whether parents or their eldest
should take care of their young children. Depending on one’s backgrounds and personal
experiences, one’s perspective can significantly (품사) differ. That being said, in my
opinion, I advocate that parents are responsible for raising their young children
on their own for the following reasons (단복수).
To begin with, when the eldest cares a young
child instead of his parents, it could be possible that the eldest’s grade goes
down. To be specific, if he concentrated on looking after a child, the total amount
of his time for study might be decreased. Thus, it could lead to interrupting his
endeavor to do study which is a substantially supreme goal of students. As a
result, lessened (품사) time to study is inclined to bring negative effects to the eldest’s
academic achievement. For example, my older brother’s experience
can be used to validate my argument. My mother went to work by reemployment, so
my brother had to care my sister who is the youngest of my family. He helped her
assignment and made her have a snack after his school without taking any rest. Consequently,
he used to fall asleep when he had to do his own assignment since he had been
exhausted and this was due to the factor that made his grade go down.
In conclusion, I am highly convinced that the obligation of taking
care of a young child is required to not the eldest, but the parents for the crucial
reason mentioned above. This is because the eldest must not be a victim of his
parents’ obligation.
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점수: 20/30
1. 토플 에세이의 바람직한 구성은 서론 - 본론 1 - 본론 2 - 결론 입니다.
두번째 바디 문단은 사실상 본론1의 예시이므로, 지금 에세이에서는 본론 2가 없다고 볼 수 있습니다.
그래서 reasonable reason 하나를 더 생각하셔서
본론 2 문단을 만들어 주시는 게 좋을 것 같습니다.
2. 문법에서는 품사와 전치사에서 특히나 잦은 오류가 발생하고 있습니다.
각 단어의 품사와 수동태 form, 다양한 용법 등을 정확하게 숙지해주세요!
수고하셨습니다. *^^*