It is debatable whether parents should avoid
letting children watch television in order to encourage them to study hard. This
is an intriguing question because opinions considering this issue can be different
depending on the individual perspectives. However, in my opinion, I disagree with
the idea for two reasons.
To begin with, watching
TV can ease children’s stress. Nowadays, many children spend a lot of time studying
so they get high grade but also a ton of stress to get higher grade under high pressure and stress. If children watch television they
could relieve stress because it contains funny programs as it contains entertainment that enhances the feeling. Therefore, they will be
able to study could study more efficiently. I will give my personal experience as an example.
When For example, when (I will give~같은 표현은 너무 구어체 이기 때문에 적절하지 않습니다) I was 13 year old, I used to study 5 hours (줄인말을 좋지 않습니다) every day, which was very hard task
for an elementary student. Thus, I was always tired but there is the reason that
I can endure that hard work was that my mother allowed me to watch television after
studying. I studied hard as my mother allowed me to watch television if I finish the studying If she avoided me watch watching TV, I would have not put up with severe study
time. could not study hard
On
top of that, some television programs affect children’s score. Many people think
that TV does not contain instructive programs for children, but it has so kids can
acquire great deal of information and knowledge but such program often contains valuable educational element. For example, there was a survey
conducted by National Association for Children Education with 300 smart elementary
students who always get high score as respondents. Purpose was to understand whether
they are learning learn most knowledge from TV and it gives impact on their grade. to get a higher grade Undoubtedly,
97% respondents replied ‘yes’. This proves TV has not only bad effect but it
has also educational impact.
To sum
up, watching television is a good way for children to refresh their minds. Moreover,
children can learn lots of knowledge from educational TV programs. In this regard,
I disagree with the statement that parents have to restrict their children from
watching television for their study.
점수: 22 전반적으로 어색한 표현들이 보여지는 독립형 에세이입니다. 이러한 어색한 표현들은 에세이 플로우로 하여금 방해를 줍니다. 에세이 플로우가 방해를 받다 보면 에세이 자체가 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 모르게 됩니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이에서 필요한 것은 제가 지적한 부분들을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |