■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words.
■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer
▶ Topic :
Hasty decisions are never the right ones.
▶ Your Answer :
During our daily lives, we make a lot of decision. Some decisions influence significantly on the rest of our lives. There might be people who believe that making decision quickly is better than taking time when they decide on somthing. However, in my opinion, it is better to taking take one’s time when they make decisions. There are two subsequent reasons for this. for the following two subsequent reasons
First and foremost, people can make a mistake when they make a hasty decision. To be specific, if they do not have enough time to think about their choices, they are likely to overlook some important things overlook important matters. On the other hand, if they have a lot of time to compare their options and predict outcomes, it is likely that they make a better deicision one can make a better decision. Let me bring up my personal experience as an example. When For example, when (let me bring ~같은 표현은 구어체 이기 때문에 적절하지가 않습니다) I was a an (a,e,i,o,u 명사 앞에서는 a이가 아니라 an입니다) university student, I loved online shopping. One day, I saw a pink dress on a website which was very cheap and looked nice. Not after 10 minutes, I made up my mind to purchase the dress and ordered it. After receiving the clothes, I really dissapointed was really disappointed with the dress because the quality was really poor. I regretted that I had not searched any information or online reviews about the dress. If I had not hurried to make a decision, I would not have made the mistake at that time.
On top of that, people can not get useful advice from others when they do not have enough time. To explain, people need to listen to other’s opinion or advice especially when it comes to important decisions in their lives. Parents, teachers and even close friends can provide them with a lot of advice on a decision. However, if a person makes a hasty decision, he would not be able to talk about his decision to other people could not talk about the matter to other people. For this reason, it is likely that he has to think about his decision by himself and it can lead to an wrong decision in his life as he has to think about himself, there might be problem. There was a survey which was conducted by a group of business majors with 300 successful businessmen. The survey questions were about the amount of time they spend when they make a decision. More than 65 percent of respondents replied that they usually use 7 days when they decide on something important. The main reason was that it allows them to ask other people for advice and it helps them a lot to make better decision. As this results shows show (results는 복수 명사 입니다), people can make a better decision when take their time and talk about their decisions with others. when talking with others.
To sum up, it is likely that people make a mistake when they hurry making decision. Furthermore, they can lose valuable opportunity to get advice from others by making hasty decisions by themselves. For these reasons, I firmly believe that it is desirable for people to take their time when they make a decision.
점수: 22
일단 전체적으로 어색한 표현들이 많습니다. 이러한 어색한 표현들은 에세이로 하여금 플로우를 방해합니다. 플로우가 방해를 받다 보면 본레의 자기가 전달하려고 하는 의미들이 변질됩니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이에서 필요한 것은 제가 지적한 부분들을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 이러한 부분을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.